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If the Sixers don’t win the title this season, they should trade Ben Simmons...AND Joel Embiid

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If the Sixers win the championship this year, great. But if they don’t, it would make sense to trade one of their “big two.” We have heard really smart people on The Ringer and ESPN, and TNT discuss for years how Joel Embiid is never healthy, only eats donuts and Shirley temples while texting Rihanna, flops too much and would rather shoot long distance 3s as if he’s Dame Lillard rather than barbecue chicken. We have heard for years now that Ben Simmons doesn’t shoot and what has he ever done? He doesn’t shoot threes. It’s true. Check on basketball-reference.com. It’s only a matter of time until another podcast on a mainstream network suggests trading one of them, but which one and for who?

Well the answer is pretty clear. The Sixers can trade both of them. If they traded Ben Simmons they could look to add someone who likes to shoot. Perhaps Bradley Beal or Zach LaVine? Their teams are very good and benefit very much from their lethal shooting and both will probably make deep playoff runs. But why stop there? They could also trade Joel Embiid, who while good, embodies the traits of yesteryear. It’s antiquated to post up and shoot mid-range jumpers, and does he want it badly? Exactly.

There is a trade right there waiting to be had Ben Simmons for Zach LaVine, and Joel Embiid for Nikola Vucevic and picks. And the Sixers may even be able to wrestle Lauri Markkanen and a couple of draft picks for their troubles.

Now the team would be poised to make noise in the playoffs. But what if they went the other way?

The Rockets had the chance to add Ben Simmons in the blockbuster James Harden deal. But they preferred Charlie and Willy Wonka’s golden tickets...draft picks.

What if the Sixers modeled Sam Presti and the Thunder?

Do you remember when Sam Hinkie turned Jrue Holiday into about 8 first-round picks, and about 25 picks or swaps total in under 3 full seasons? That’s nothing compared to what the Thunder did. They lost more NBA contests than any other team in the league in the four seasons between 2006-2009 and they wound up with Kevin Durant, Russel Westbrook, James Harden, Serge Ibaka, and Jeff Green. Could they have just kept that core together and won a title or 7? Of course. BUT they weren’t content. They had an even longer view than the Process Sixers did.

So slowly they traded, and traded, and traded some more. Out went players like Harden and Green, in came players like Kendrick Perkins, Jeremy Lamb, Steven Adams and Enes Kanter. The latter two even played together sometimes in a Kiwi-Turk Twin Towers they hoped could beat the Warriors. Out went Kevin Durant and Serge Ibaka, and in came Victor Oladipo and Domas Sabonis. And on and on...and eventually, over the course of 14 long years, with a would-be dynasty blown up all book-ended by tons of tanking they accumulated... you nailed it golden tickets. A lot of picks!!! Now they can try to get back what they had so they can trade stars for picks again.

So if the Sixers wanted to model Oklahoma, they could begin trading their MVP candidates and superstars for picks NOW. One of my deepest deepest regrets is that we fans never got to see Al Horford in the “New Philadelphia City Edition” uni’s that debuted this season. Could taking back Horford while sending out Ben net them 4 picks? Horford shoots 3s. And if they took on a contract like Russel Westbrook, might they could get four more picks for Joel Embiid? Westbrook wants it more. That would be a start and people would say how smart Daryl Morey is for acquiring so many picks. Al would look so clean in that New Phila fit.

News and more

Simmons getting...it together

After the loss to Denver, Ben Simmons implied his s#hit was not together. I’m not sure if we were supposed to take this literally, or figuratively. But hopefully, the team medical staff is looking into it deeply if it was not a metaphor. As a wise man once said:

Ben also pledged to shoot four 3s per game the rest of the season, and adds “please tell Brett Brown’s agent about this.” For everyone every one he hits, the stadium gets a smoothie.

Tobi and Bobi

Pepperidge Farm Goldfish have started thinking big (get it, Boban ahaha). They enlisted the NBA’s most lovable bromance Tobi and Bobi to grab handfuls of goldfish on camera. Because there have been so little fans in stadiums, Wendy’s lost a bit of traction at Wells Fargo in distracting opponents at the free throw line, during the “Frosty freeze out.” It left an opening for Goldfish, who has announced that Sixers stadium staff will indeed fling goldfish at players not on Philadelphia during trips to the line in order to promote brand awareness for their salted marine-life themed cheese snacks while hoping to induce bricks. I’m still thinking about my big Boban joke, let’s go!

Vincent Poirier vs. Doc

Some fans will surely have read the miffed message by former Sixer Vince Poirier traded at the deadline. Here were his words, per Ky Carlin Sixerswire:

“The coach didn’t even send me a message although I know he sent others. I’m not asking him to give me compliments but just a message to wish me good luck. We are not commodities, we are still human beings. It’s a minimum of sending a message, to say that the situation was complicated, but thank you for your professionalism. A bogus thing, even if he doesn’t really mean it.”

Doc who has always considered himself a player’s coach was taken with these words. Especially the last ones “a bogus thing, even if he really doesn’t mean it.” And apparently, Doc has responded to Poirier’s wish. Sources say Doc sent a bogus text and we were able to obtain it using our secret sources.

Text from Doc to Vincent:

“Dear Vincent, I have coached McGrady, CP, Baby, Nate Rob, Blake, KG, Paul, Ray, Rondo, Tobi, Ben, and Joel. Sure plenty were gifted but few were as dedicated to their fling as you, and none had as cool of a beard.”

“Fling was autocorrected, I meant CRAFT. Lol my bad VP.”

JJ Redick

There was a thread going around from a podcast with Sixers legend JJ Redick yesterday, including some unchoice words for Pelicans GM David Griffin, who Redick alleges, broke a vow to send Redick to a team closer to his Brooklyn home or buy him out.

Taking your best JJ Redick jokes in the replies....

April Fool’s! Happy Thursday. But I’m assuming you all figured that out from the jump.