On Wednesday, the Philadelphia 76ers agreed to a two-year deal with Furkan Korkmaz.
Free agent F Furkan Korkmaz has agreed to a two-year deal to return to the Philadelphia 76ers, agent Mike Lindeman of @excelsm tells ESPN.— Adrian Wojnarowski (@wojespn) July 24, 2019
There was some confusion around Sixers Twitter about this move. Korkmaz didn’t play much last year and wasn’t very good at his one theoretical NBA-level skill (shooting) when he did play. They had already declined a team option on him, and there were reports he’d agreed to a deal in Europe. All signs pointed to the end of the Korkmaz days.
So, yeah, Wednesday’s news is a surprise.
But while everyone just expects Furkan Korkmaz to be an 11th or 12th or 18th man for the Sixers, I expect him to be an important part of this year’s team.
But in order to that to happen, he first has to get some minutes. Let’s look at the different, non-injury related things that can happen this year to get Furkan Korkmaz into the rotation.
Breaking the preseason scoring record
I tried to figure out what the preseason scoring record was, but it was pretty difficult to figure out. Somewhere said it was Monta Ellis with 41. Someone on Reddit said Anthony Morrow had “like 50” once. There’s another person who said Wilt got 46 once.
Whatever the number, Furkan Korkmaz — best known for being a Summer League scoring legend — will become an NBA Preseason scoring legend, and that will compel Brett Brown to give him serious run in the regular season. When the Kork gets popped 58 times against some Australian team that’s playing the Sixers for some reason, the only option will be to run Korkmaz as the sixth man, maybe in something close to a 50/50 playing time split with Josh Richardson.
We’ve heard for two years that Korkmaz is a shooter, but he just hasn’t been, so that preseason game is going to be when all of that shooting we thought he had erupts to the surface. He’ll go 15-for-17 from three and 2-for-5 in the paint and then makes nine free throws.
He made those videos of Ben hitting threes
Alright, I have a theory for y’all.
Being an NBA player takes a lot of time and work, but last year Furkan Korkmaz only played in 48 games.
82-48 = 34
There were 34 games where Korkmaz didn’t see the floor. Now, we assume he did something basketball related during that time, like sit on the bench and cheer when good things happened.
But I have another idea. Korkmaz actually spent that whole time learning some extra Photoshop and Windows Movie Maker skills, and he put those to use this Summer by making that video of Ben Simmons hitting a three.
It’s too weird of coincidence that Korkmaz was signed the day after that video came out, right?
Ben Simmons went to management and said “sign Furkan or trade me” and Furkan was signed. And as he continues to make these videos for Ben, Ben will eventually say “give Furkan 25 minutes per game or trade me” and Furkan will get 25 minutes per game.
Team USA fights back
So, everyone has been backing out of their commitments with Team USA this year, and that’s making Team USA very mad. A very trusted source DMed me earlier today to say that Team USA has given an ultimatum, which is that if one more player backs out of the World Cup, Team USA will exercise a clause that will require all eligible players to report to mandatory training for the entire month of December and most of January.
Furkan Korkmaz plays internationally for Turkey, so for all of December and most of January he’ll be moving into the Sixers’ rotation.
Brett Brown’s just like “yeah, sure.”
Furkan Korkmaz was put into four playoff games, so honestly you just never know when Brett Brown will decide to give him 25 minutes in a random game.
Brett Brown is fired and replaced by me
It’s mid-December and the Sixers are off to a bad start. Management decides the only way to get things back on track is to fire Brett Brown.
At the same time, they decide that Bryan Colangelo needs another chance to work in the front office.
Now, that’s not going to be a popular decision, and it’ll turn out that no NBA people are going to want to take on the role of interim head coach. After 15 different people say no, the Sixers turn a new direction and start interviewing members of the Liberty Ballers staff because...well, why not?
Now, I won’t be the first one interviewed, but I will be the first one to accept the job because the rest of the staff will make up various excuses to not work for Bryan Colangelo. Here are their excuses, in alphabetical order, of some of the people who were asked:
Adam Aaronson: Is not old enough to be an NBA head coach.
Matthew del Rio: The team actually did not interview Matthew because of some of his content for this site, because Bryan Colangelo doesn’t have a good sense of humor.
Dave Early: Coaching would cut too much into his fantasy football playing time.
Andrew Favakeh: College, man. Just loves college.
Jackson Frank: Has too many writing opportunities and isn’t ready to give them up for an NBA head coaching job.
Sean Kennedy: Is too busy running Liberty Ballers.
Steve Lipman: Refuses to quit his comedy career.
Kevin Love: Is too busy running Liberty Ballers.
Tyler Monahan: Was offered a very good job in radio two weeks before the Brett Brown firing.
Andrew Patton: Says, and I quote, “I’ve got too many graphics to make.”
Kevin Rice: After Jonah Bolden is a surprise preseason cut, Kevin vows to never associate with the Sixers again, which is completely understandable.
Adio B. Royster: Is way too cool to accept the job.
Dan Volpone: Just didn’t feel like doing it.
Tom West: Just isn’t able to move to another country on such short notice.
While other writers were also asked and some were interested, I accepted the job immediately because at the time I’d only been given adjunct teaching assignments for the Fall, so I needed some money in the Spring. My first order of business was to put Furkan Korkmaz in the starting five, just because I felt like it and knew I had at least a half season of job security.
He got the minutes, but then he woke up
In the words of Biggie, “it was all a dream.”
Brett Brown decided he was too cool to leave on the bench
The NBA will award the top seed in each conference to the coolest team, so Brett Brown puts Korkmaz into the rotation because he instantly makes the team way cooler. It works, and the Sixers return him to the bench in the postseason and win the 2019-2020 NBA championship.