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Sexers Week 4 Power Rankings

Oh yea, that’s Sexers

(Editor’s Note: This piece was written prior to Monday night’s game in Toronto. As a result, all stats are as of 11/25/19 and there is no mention of the zero-point game which must not be named.)

INTRO

This is the team we were promised. Relentlessly bombarding teams with defense that leads to hoops on the other end, and looking ever so sexy while doing it. The last four games for the Sexers STATS. The pummeling of the Heat certainly helped the NetRtg as Adam Silver seemed to have turned the magnets ON for the Sexers? Strange times we live in, strange times. Let’s hop into who was the most sexy Sexers this week.


Josh Richardson

It literally only took one game for Josh Richardson to be the top-rated Sexer of the week. That’s how hot his 32-point revenge game was against his former Miami Heat team. The 32 points came on an unconscious 6-of-7 from distance and 10-of-15 from the field overall. His hair has also been standing tall and luxurious and his Wallace vibes are certainly a stunning look.

Even on the two games in which he did not play due to a right hip injury, Richardson was getting fits for days as part of the bench mob (wait ‘til the end).

The sign-and-trade? Did they win it? For Sexers purposes, they damn might’ve. Josh Richardson and his chia pet haircut grow more and more powerful as the games go on.

As the executive ranker of the Sexers, Josh skyrocketed to #1 this week due to him going to a Crumb concert and posting my favorite BADBADNOTGOOD song on his Instagram story.


Mike Scott

The #MikeScottHive tailgate threw down on Saturday evening prior to the matchup with the Heat. Some 300 people showed up to celebrate the team’s favorite role player in all his glory. The tailgate had everything: Friends, Fat Heads, spiked Shirley Temples, a DJ on a Red Bull-sponsored version of Elon Musk’s space truck, some weirdo in a crop top?

The Hive raised over $1,600 for charity while successfully,,, partying all day and night. Mike Scott himself even showed up to Xfinity Live after the game to show his love for their love. Wielding a glass of jack, no ice, he gave a short speech about how much he appreciates the Hive, the memes, and the undying loyalty from the fans in Philadelphia.

A connection between player and fans? That’s Sexers.

Mike also came off the bench against the Knicks and was a HUGE cog in the comeback to capture the game. The Sexers only won by five, and Mike’s four 3s and general swagger surely assisted in propelling the Sexers over the Knickerbockers.

Whenever you can elicit the “YESSSSSSS” call from Marc Zumoff, you know you’re doing Sexers.


Joel Embiid

The gargantuan is back. Playing three games in four nights, including his first set of back-to-back games this season, the All-Star posted back-to-back-to-back double-doubles comfortably throwing up three 20/10 games. This season seems to be a different Joel. He seems less happy and more ticked off/angry on the court and in post-game pressers. The demolition of the Heat seemed to lighten Joel’s mood a bit, as multiple times he was seen deservedly flexing and celebrating his buckets.

One possession against the Heat was just bonkers and resulted in a smiling Joel, which is always the best.

Part of the reason Joel might be less animated than usual is because multiple players have now tried to go after him on the court.

Joel having this kind of a target on his back for simply just being better at the sport than 98 percent of the league is pretty badass, but it’s also got to be exhausting for a guy who’s just trying to hoop.


Ben Simmons

He hit a 3.


Other Sexers Things:

Aside from the main four Sexers this week. Others put in heavy contributions to help the team to a 3-0 week. James Ennis, Al Horford and Tobias Harris were the main culprits. Ennis is posting an absurd .649 TS% and hitting the elite benchmark of 40 percent from 3 so far this season.

Tobias seems to have awaken from his slumber and is shooting 52 percent(!!!!) from 3 over his last five games. His season percentage is still sub 30 percent, but we can be hopeful that the early season struggles were reserved for the early season, and THE Tobias Harris that the team trusted to be the guy, is back for the long term.

Al Horford is (checks notes just for fun) Sexer. The last two games, Al has been Al and put up 17/8/5 across two games and is 15-of-23 from the field.

The bodybag Sexers are here, baby.