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Sexers Week 3 Power Rankings

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The Sexers haven’t even begun to peak

Ok, ok, the old format of the Top-7 Sexers isn’t working out. The team isn’t sexy enough for this yet. So now, as executive officer of the Sexers rankings, I’m declaring a change shifting to the Top-4 Sexers, and recapping other sexy things the team did in the past week!


Sexer #1: Joel Embiid

He’s just so good at basketball, man. Like it’s honestly hard to comprehend. The guy who should “get his ass on the block” is shooting two ticks below 40 percent from 3. The gigantic deity of a center now has two 30-plus-point games in the young season and has registered a block or steal in every game so far. Every day we should wake up and thank whoever we need to thank that this era of Sixers basketball is blessed with the presence of Joel Hans Embiid.

One interesting note about Embiid is his FGA drop from quarter to quarter. If this is a stamina issue, then one of the Sexers’ biggest offseason issues went unsolved as Joel’s conditioning will still be hampering his production. (This isn’t very Sexers)

Sexer #2: Josh Richardson

Don’t look now (I already did) but Josh Richardson is slowly creeping up that 3P%! Ever since he unleashed his mini fro, Richardson has been near-dynamite on the offensive end, shooting 38.7 percent from distance on five attempts per game in his last six games. For reference, his first seven games featured one less attempt per game, and a 24 percent showing in those matches. Another interesting RIchardson stat is that he has only been a minus player in four games all season. The Phoenix loss (minus-1), the Denver loss (minus-2), the Orlando loss (minus-8), and the OKC loss (minus-12). Safe to say at this point in the season, when Richardson is on the court, the Sexers are playing well, and winning. The prize in the Jimmy Butler sign-and-trade has a unique fit in this offense as shooting guard to start, and the backup ball handler sans Simmons. Richardson seems to keep figuring out new ways to contribute and using different tools to help the team stay sexy.

There was also a story from Serena Winters and NBC Sports Philadelphia about Richardson and the new bond he formed with a young boy in a military family

Sexer #3: Tobias Harris

Adam Silver and his magnetic rims were back at it, plaguing the Sexers’ biggest FA signee who, over a nine-game stretch, shot 10 percent from 3 on four attempts per game. Commissioner Silver decided that was enough to damage Harris’ All-Star candidacy for the year and turned the magnets off. Post-magnets, Tobias had back-to-back games with familiar and necessary offensive efficiency. He had a 21-point game against the Thunder (the outcome doesn’t matter), and then a 27-point game against the Cavs in which he went a steamy 12-of-14 from the field, racked up two steals/two blocks, and finished plus-23 in the much-needed victory. The Sexers need Tobias to be this form of Tobias if they hope to sex it up from here on out.

Sexer #4: James Ennis III

The Menace has been a junkyard dog this last week off the bench for a team that has notoriously lacked depth in the past. Averaging 8.3 points and some hottttt 3-point shooting (44 percent from 3 in his last four games), including a 3-of-4 showing in Cleveland on Sunday. His quick start in the first quarter sparked the Sexers to what would become one of their only comfortable wins all season long. James’ Sexers status was also influenced by a very flattering picture posted on the Sixers’ content pages pre-game. The nature of the picture includes.... uh.... I’ll leave it at “James is doing very well for himself” and for journalistic and privacy reasons, will leave it at that. Good for you, James Ennis!


Sexers Weekly Recap:

The coolest thing happened over the past week as Reebok and the Sixers teamed up for a ridiculously magnificent art crossover. The exhibit in Philadelphia featured works from a variety of artists, including the Sixers’ photographer Alex Subers, who captured these stunning photos of Ben Simmons, Josh Richardson, Mike Scott, Tobias Harris, Matisse Thybulle, and Kyle O’Quinn.

The coolest part about this is that I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Mike Scott’s body tats before. The arms are always on display, but the Luigi, Yoshi, and flying stick of butter are all new images I’ll now associate with the Sexers’ backup power forward.

You can check out more of the art over at Sixers dot com and their social pages; it’s all very cool and fun and creative and all of you should check out what they’ve cooked up.

Overall, the Sexers finally started Sexering on Sunday as they pummeled the Cavs in Cleveland. Six different players hit double figures, and 10 player registered 4-plus points. This was the team we were expecting, as it almost looked too easy on both ends of the ball for most of the game. Beating up on the “lesser” opponents is something that this team needs to do more often to achieve full Sexer. After struggling to do so in the last stretch of games against lackluster teams, it will be interesting to see how the team fares with this upcoming schedule containing a mix of good-very good-underwhelming teams.

The offense still looks slow, and might continue to look so. But if the body-bag defense picks up and holds teams to under 50 in a half, then I can vibe with the sloppy offense and slower pace (15th in pace compared to 8th in 2018-19 and 4th in 2017-18).

There will be no Showtime Sixers. There can only be the DefRtg Sexers.