Land the Picks, Sam: Byron Scott is the Supreme Tanker

Team: Los Angeles Lakers (11-41)

Protections: 1-3 in 2016 and 2017, unprotected in 2018

Pick Status: Currently not conveying to the Sixers (pre-lottery). "Investigate Byron Scott. Byron Scott was perpetuated by people within our own government." Scott's coaching has been putrid. It's some of the worst that I've seen in my time watching basketball. The Lakers should be better than their 11-41 record and, in turn, be in a position that's more favorable for the chances of the Sixers getting their pick this season. Both the Sixers and the Lakers need to make the "Jahlil Okafor for D'Angelo Russell and removed protection on this pick" swap and just get it over with at this point.

Chance of Pick Conveying: 44.2 percent as of now going into the lottery, but it feels a lot more like 4.42 percent in my heart.

Team: Miami Heat (29-22)

Protections: 1-10 in 2016, unprotected in 2017

Pick Status: Currently slotted for the 21st pick. I hope history is much kinder to Chris Bosh than contemporary media members and basketball fans were to him. Between the supremely overused dinosaur memes and calling his game feminine because he's a face-up big as opposed to a back-to-the-basket player, Bosh hasn't been appreciated as much as he deserves throughout his career. He's the key to the Heat pick staying out of the lottery and turning it into Melo Trimble or Caris LeVert for the Sixers.

Chance of Pick Conveying: A continued healthy season from Bosh, whose unfortunate hospitalization last season derailed the Sixers' chance of getting this pick, should keep Miami at least in the middle of the pack in the middle of the Eastern Conference and finally have this pick convey.

Team: Sacramento Kings (21-29)

Protections: Philadelphia has the right to swap their first-round pick with Sacramento's first round pick, as long as it's in the top 10.

Pick Status: Currently wouldn't be swapping picks with the Sixers (pre-lottery). The Kings are a gigantic disaster after giving up 128 points to the Nets last night. They might actually fire their coach AGAIN (seriously). The lone thing saving Sactown from placing higher in the lottery and really making this pick swap intriguing is another monster season from DeMarcus Cousins. #FreeBoogie

Chance of Pick Conveying: The Kings aren't in ideal lottery position currently, but nothing would sum up the modern era of #kangz basketball more than making a huge leap into the top three of the lottery only to ship the pick and a potential star along the way out to the Sixers.

Team: Oklahoma City Thunder (38-13)

Protections: 1-15 in 2016 and 2017

Pick Status: Currently slotted for the 28th pick. Oklahoma City has the highest winning percentage (.745) of the Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook era (and really franchise history too since only fools and oil tycoons consider the Sonics as a part of this franchise's past). Last season's injury problems that plagued Durant and Serge Ibaka (and led to mecha Russbrook going berserk) are gone. The Sixers narrowly missed nabbing a mid-teens pick in the 2015 draft because of one too many injuries with the Thunder, but those concerns are gone at this point.

Chance of Pick Conveying: It's going to convey. I'm not going to like where it conveys, but it will.

Team: Golden State Warriors (45-4)

Protections: Philadelphia has the right to swap the less favorable of Miami's 2016 first-round pick (protected 1-10), or Oklahoma City's 2016 first-round pick (protected 1-15), for Golden State's 2016 first round pick.

Pick Status: Currently wouldn't be swapping picks with the Thunder. Draymond Green is the new Scottie Pippen in that he's being name-dropped as an archetypal side kick in rap songs now. The Dubs also apparently practice at Drake's house sometimes. We're all witnesses. Golden State is all-but-guaranteed the 30th selection in this year's draft barring at catastrophic injury.

Chance of Pick Conveying: Things with the greatest chance of happening ranked, from most likely to least likely: 1.) The Eagles win the Super Bowl next season. 2.) The How I Met Your Mother finale stops being disappointing. 3.) This pick conveys.