The NBA Draft Lottery is tomorrow. It is -- like last year's lottery before it -- the most important day in the history of days. The Sixers could have as many as three and as few as one lonely first round draft pick, depending on whether or not one team can jump the Miami Heat and/or two teams can jump the Los Angeles Lakers. 82 games have been played to determine the odds of that happening, but mathematics can only go so far, it's in God's hands now.
BUT WHAT IF IT WASN'T?
I live in Los Angeles under the guise of a career in television and film. But the truth is, I've secretly been a mole for the Sixers this whole time. Ignore the fact that I have a sports blog free for consumption -- it's been super secret, I was hiding in plain sight and nobody saw this coming. Including myself! That is, until the trade deadline, when Sam Hinkie drove Michael Carter-Williams to the airport and picked up a top 5-protected 2015 first round draft pick from the Lakers with a quick layover in Phoenix, and I became activated.
The Lakers currently have the 4th spot in the lottery. In order for the Sixers to acquire their pick, two teams with worse odds than them must leapfrog into the top three. There is a 17.2% chance of that happening. Not impossible, but not inspiring odds. So I finally took matters into my own hands.
I am dating a Lakers fan.
An honest-to-god, Kobe-jerseyed, tried-out-for-the-Laker-girls-when-she-was-eighteen Lakers fan. She's lovely in every other way -- has a decent baseline jumper and excellent lateral quickness to boot -- but is clearly a trusting stooge for thinking a Sixers blogger could ever date a Lakers fan without ulterior motives. We don't forget about the '01 Finals that easy. George Lynch sends his regards. A MacCulloch always pays his debts.
This, Lakers fans, is what happens when your team is good for that many seasons in a row. You forget what desperate tastes like. And for me, it tastes like many trips to get soup dumplings and those flowers I got her for no reason. HA, YOU FOOL. Those roses don't smell like poo poo poo, they smell like a conveyed first rounder and an exorbitant overpay of Rajon Rondo. By the time she realizes what I've done, I'll be on a beach somewhere partying with Mario Hezonja and she'll be fishing in her pockets for a mini-MLE to give to Michael Beasley.
Do I feel guilty? No I do not. Love is a battlefield. Plus imagine what Cavs bloggers had to do the past few years. And I'm pretty positive Phil Jackson is trying to do the same thing with Jeanie Buss right now. Or Jeanie is doing it to Phil, I'm actually not sure. Either way, I'm just doing what has to be done in this blog eat blog world.
So there you have it. We're getting the Lakers pick this year. Sorry, Alyssa. It's not personal -- it's The Process.*
*but if the pick doesn't convey this year, let's keep dating*
**somebody start dating a Heat fan in the next 36 hours, please and thank you**
Please help team Liberty Ballers qualify for the $1 million The Basketball Tournament this summer in Philadelphia! The roster includes great local talent that includes: Reggie Redding (Villanova), Antonio Pena (Villanova), Ryan Brooks (Temple), Garrett Williamson (St. Joe's) and more! Vote for Liberty Ballers here.