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No One Reads This: How Exciting Are The Sixers?

In this edition of No One Reads This, Dave and Roy discuss #TheDress, Peter Bondra, Terry Mulholland, Gangrel and NHL '94. In case you were wondering, this is still a basketball blog.

Everyone agrees that these two men led the most exciting era in recent Sixers' history. Everyone except Michael Levin.
Everyone agrees that these two men led the most exciting era in recent Sixers' history. Everyone except Michael Levin.
Eileen Blass-USA TODAY Sports

Roy: We NEED to talk about the Levin thing. I love that man like a cousin, but that's the single dumbest thing I've ever read.

In his defense, he's been the conductor of this train for quite some time now. The problem, however, is that the train is like the one in Unstoppable, and neither Denzel Washington nor Captain Kirk are here to save him.

Sure... it's cute that guys like JaKarr Sampson and Ishmael Smith get a chance to play basketball in America (and not Burkina Faso), and no one yells "I'm In Love With The RoCo" louder than me whenever Covington his a 3. But more fun than the Flight Brothers? More enjoyable than a team that came within three games of the NBA title? I know it's hard not to be a prisoner of the moment at times, but this is taking it to the extreme.

There is the off chance that Levin is just trolling us (or me, specifically). Maybe he KNOWS that #thedress is white and gold, but just saying that it's black and blue just to tweak the Interwebs. If he's not trolling, let me know: I have a 4 DVD set of the 1999 Sixers/Magic series that I can mail to him at a moment's notice (as long as I can get to The UPS Store by 5PM).

Dave: What has a better ring to it? Mike Bayless or Skip Levin?

"Obviously Iverson was Iverson ..."

What a dismissive line. Iverson had the potential to drop 40 on any given night. That can't be overstated. Who cares if the other eleven guys on team did nothing but set screens and stayed of the way? Even though people only know Stevie Nicks; it doesn't mean Fleetwood Mac wasn't a great band.

Listen, no one cherished the Tim Frazier Era more than me. It ranks right up there with my wedding and the James Nunnally Era. But Levin is so off-base here, Terry Mulholland can walk over to first and pick him off.

Look for his Mike's next editorial this Sunday in the Philadelphia Inquirer: "The 2008 Phillies: Meh ... Give Me the Francona Years."

Roy: True story and not-so-brief aside: On August 14, 1990, my dad gave my best friend and I two options: attend the Phillies game the following day, or play an extra round of miniature golf. We chose golf (I needed to work on my short game). The next day, Terry Mulholland pitched a no-hitter.

As the elder statesman of this blog, I sometimes forget how young The Artist Formerly Known As Michael Bourn is. But by my math (not Common Core, if you're wondering), he was in the midst of puberty in the late '90s/early 2000s, so he was old enough to appreciate the greatness that was the A.I./Larry Brown 76ers.

His disdain for the Sixers' Finals run troubles me to no end. Does he not remember the 176 consecutive days that the Sixers were on the cover of the Daily News? Have we already forgotten that in May and June of 2001, every car, bike and scooter in the Delaware Valley was adorned with a Sixers' flag?

Jumaine Jones never has to buy a drink again in this town. 14 years later, Tyrone Hill gets so much love from the ladies, he uninstalled Tinder last week. Hell... after Matt Geiger gave Reggie Miller the business back in the 2000 playoffs, they should have erected a statue of him in front of the Wells Fargo Center.

Am I partially biased because the Sixers drafted Temple legend Pepe Sanchez in the summer of 2000? Probably. But short of being under the influence of hallucinogenics, there's no way anyone can honestly say that this team - as bright as its future may be - is more exciting than an Iverson/George Lynch/Rodney Buford fastbreak.

Dave: The passion you have for those teams, Roy, leapt right off the page. I’m fired up now. I’m about to blast Ultimate Warrior’s entrance music and run through a brick wall.

But before I apply the face paint and tassels, let’s touch on the trade that almost happened. Richard Deitsch of interviewed Charles Barkley over All-Star weekend, and Chuck said that he briefly was traded to the Lakers.

The trade would have sent Sir Charles and Ron Anderson (#20 in your programs; #1 in your hearts) to LA for James Worthy and Elden Campbell. Worthy scored 19+ a game in '91-'92, but was on the wrong side of 30. Elden Campbell was a young big man with some potential backing-up the venerable Vlade Divac.

My question is this: Why did every offer the Sixers received for one of the top-5 players in the world reek of fantasy football desperateness?  There’s always one guy, or like nine guys, who offer three trash players for your stud. Like, I’ve been offered a steaming pile headlined by Lee Evans for a #1 RB more times than I could count.

Although, from a journalistic perspective – and I am a Broadcast Journalist – it would be negligent not to mention this Baltimore Sun article from 1992:

"The 76ers then would send Worthy to the Charlotte Hornets for guards Kendall Gill and Rex Chapman."

This deal would’ve made me felt a little, *a little* better about the Lakers trade. But the Sixers faced a rebuild so monumental; yet couldn’t even finagle a first round draft pick for Barkley? In June of ’92, the late, great Phil Jasner wrote about some of the other trade rumors.

"Barkley going to the Bullets in a trade for Pervis Ellison and other considerations?"

What were those other considerations, Roy? What else was Washington prepared to offer? If the first words out of their mouth weren’t, "Peter Bondra," then I’m hanging up the phone. The Sixers weren’t entering the dark ages. May as well toss the Flyers a bone and shuffle another 30+ goal scorer into the fold.

Roy: First of all, I would like to congratulate you on receiving your seminary degree from Full Sail University. Because it's clear that after reading your latest email/sermon, you are preaching to the choir.

Not even a year before Barkley was traded, the Knicks got a first-round pick (as well as the immortal Tim McCormick) back from the Hawks in exchange for 35-year-old Maurice Cheeks. Mo never started a game for Atlanta (and probably learned about this trade while standing in his driveway), but even HE was worth a first. Meanwhile, Barkley netted the basketball equivalent of an Ashley Lelie/Joey Harrington/Kevan Barlow fantasy football pu pu platter.

wrote about the Barkley thing a couple of weeks ago, and... I'm a bit conflicted. As I tell you every time we go out, I was (and still am) a beast at NBA Live '95, largely due to the fact that Hersey Hawkins is one of the 10 greatest video game characters of all-time. But if the Sixers swing that deal and wind up with a starting five of Chapman/Hawkins/Gill/Clarence Weatherspoon/Campbell, it's doubtful that Hawkins is traded the the Hornets in '93, and I probably never capture the mythical J.R. Masterman NBA Live National Championship.

And, depending on your perspective, the most important byproduct of that non-trade is the fact that the Sixers may not have been in the mix for Allen Iverson and/or Jerry Stackhouse and/or Sharone Wright and/or Shawn Bradley. So there's that.

Peter Bondra was good and all, but can I be honest for a second? I was a big Al Iafrate fan back in the early '90s (he used to OWN the NHL Skills competition), so I would have gladly taken a combo of him and Never Nervous Pervis for Sir Charles. Imagine the Crazy 8s up front with Iafrate and Dmitry Yushkevich destroying anyone who came past the blue line? Even Bill Dineen couldn't have screwed that up.

***Editor’s Note: Dave didn’t realize Roy just wrote about the Barkley trade. Dave needs to stop watching old Gangrel matches on You Tube***

Dave: Was there anything more entertaining than ripping a slap shot from the blue line with Al Iafrate or Al MacInnis in NHL ‘94? Well, besides making Little Wayne’s head bleed.

Random Box Scores from This Day in History

March 8th, 2004: Sixers-97 Bucks-92

Dave: A big win over the Milwaukee Bucks! Now, I know it’s a running joke around these parts to call ourselves a Bucks blog. Both teams are seemingly attached at the hip. But look at the line-up Milwaukee trotted out that night. It’s like looking in the mirror.

Brian Skinner? Keith Van Horn? Joe Smith? Toni Kukoc? Was this an NBA regular season game or an intra-squad scrimmage?

No Iverson on his night, but have no fear, Roy. Greg Bucker and Zendon Hamilton are here! If I gave you a hundred guesses, there’s no way you would have said that Greg Buckner was our leading scorer that night. Hell, I could’ve given you two hundred guesses. You’d have guessed Amal McCaskill six different times before finally coming around on ol’ Buck.

Roy: Dave... as a fellow Broadcast Journalist, I feel that it's our duty to right the wrongs that society has attempted to impose upon the proletariat. And despite what "Swingers" tried to sell us, EA took out the ability to make Wayne's head bleed in NHL '94 (which is why NHLPA Hockey '93 is the superior title).

By the way... did you notice Greg Buckner's +15? Dude had Keith Van Horn zipped up - Ruben Patterson had nothing on G-Buck's lockdown defense. Damn shame there wasn't SportVU back then - Buckner could have made tons of money (in addition to the $29 MILLION he made during his 10-year career).

19 and 9 for Zendon Hamilton? In a regulation basketball game? If you hadn't shown me this box score, I never would have believed that it actually happened. Conversely, I would need little convincing to accept the fact that Slammin' Sammy Dalembert tallied four turnovers and four fouls in eighteen minutes. And Willie Green's 31.9% usage rate just confirms how much of a gunner he was/is. Even TeamLou23 would be impressed by Steamboat Willie's 9 shots in 15 minutes.

You know, when Levin is talking about the A.I. era, I'm pretty sure he's referencing THIS SPECIFIC GAME. Because if I had my druthers, I'd take Thomas Robinson over Zendon Hamilton every day of the week.

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