FURY BLUE? But I digress...
Prepare to be disappointed on February 10, kids: That's the day the Sixers will unveil their new mascot in a public ceremony at Franklin Institute. Personally, I'm already disappointed due to the fact that the "thing" shown in the teaser video probably isn't B. Franklin Dogg. Here's what we know so far:
1) It's furry.
2) It's blue.
3) It has paws.
4) It throws pencils at the ceiling.
5) It will play more minutes this season than Malcolm Thomas.
Look... a lot of people criticized this kid for wearing an Evan Turner jersey to Wing Bowl, but in his defense, that's not exactly an event where you want to wear your finest leathers. Would you put on a Ralph Lauren sweater if you're headed to a place where you might get wing sauce on it? Nope. Do you throw on your polo shirt with the alligator on it before you head to the strip club. Of course not (Well... MAYBE... but only if you intend to get it professionally cleaned afterwards).
So I'd like to take a moment to salute the kid for having the foresight to wear something that really should have been donated to Goodwill last summer. I've never made the trek down to Wing Bowl, but if I do go in the future, it'll be the perfect opportunity to pull that Chris T. Jones jersey out of the Tupperware bin in the back of my closet.
Michael Cage is 53 today, so let your soul glow. pic.twitter.com/s4iENUz9nn— Triangle Offense (@Tri_Offense) January 28, 2015
He wasn't known as the "Juiceman" for his Jack LaLanne-inspired dietary habits. Pro tip: Don't allow Michael Cage to ever sit on your couch unless you have a spare Evan Turner jersey to drape across the headrest.
According to JaKarr's @StJohnsBBall bio, if he could have dinner with anyone living or dead, it'd be Michael Jordan & SpongeBob SquarePants.— Max Rappaport (@MaxRappaport) January 29, 2015
Just when I had finally grown to accept JaKarr Sampson, this nugget of information from Max Rappaport comes across the timeline. And as the great philosopher Sticky Fingaz from Onyx once told us, "but but but wait, it gets worse":
Favorite TV show: "SpongeBob SquarePants".
If I could have dinner with three people (history or today): SpongeBob and Michael Jordan.
If I could switch places for a day with any person (real or fictional) I'd be: SpongeBob. He seems like a happy guy. He is always singing, smiling, dancing, making people happy and those are all things I love to do.
And you think it was a coincidence that Hollis Thompson got the start in the 3rd quarter last night over Sampson?
(BTW, when Sampson was given the choice to choose three people for his dinner, he only chose two, and neither one of them was Jesus. Just wanted to put that out there.)
This is how crazy the early '90s were: You could walk outside of your house wearing what Rick Mahorn and Charles Barkley have on in this picture and not get laughed at.
Mahorn's Raiders' T-shirt and Sixers' poom-poom short combo is atrocious, but it doesn't compare to Barkley's ill-advised Zubaz pants. I learned just this morning that Zubaz (which still exists, by the way) was the brainchild of the Road Warriors who wanted a pair of pants that they could work out in. Three years later, the Zubaz brand brought in $100 million in revenue.
(Shout out to the Facebook group SIXERS 24/7 for this picture and the one above it.)
Speaking of fashion, check out K.J. McDaniels rocking the latest from the "Breaking Bad" collection. (avaliable at Macy's through February 21) There's plenty that we COULD say about this, but considering the fact that McDaniels is one of the Sixers who routinely heads to the practice facility AFTER home games until 1 in the morning, I'll give him a reprieve. For now.
(You'll note that McDaniels' khakis are fresh off the rack - he still has the creases in them.)
I'd like to announce that Jake Fischer has been indefinitely suspended from Liberty Ballers, pending a full investigation of his Twitter history. In the interim, he has been sent a box of DVDs from the Sixers' 2001 NBA Finals run to review.