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Because A Recap Consisting Of Only Cat GIFs Won't Suffice: Sixers 76, Wizards 111, Hours Spent Sleeping 2+

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Let us never speak of this game again.

Rob Carr/Getty Images

I consider myself a bit of a reality TV connoisseur, at least in comparison to most sports fans. I've never watched Keeping up with the Kardashians, Toddlers in Tiaras, Honey Boo Boo, or any other exploitative bullshit, but I watch a lot of CBS reality, I could talk your ear off on The Bachelor if you ever let me*, and my family may or may not have turned off the NBA in favor of Island Hunters and Tiny House Hunters on Christmas Day.

*never let me

My point  hereisn't to regale you with tales of reality TV, but rather its relationship with sports can best be described as tenuous and temporary at best. So when TV commentators spend a fair (read: any) amount of time dissecting reality TV of the non-mandatory network promotion variety, that tells you something about the quality of the game. Indeed, it tells you everything about the quality of this game.

What started out as slow and plodding close game ended up a slow and plodding blowout where the Sixers' biggest highlight was the great accomplishment of cutting the lead to 17.

The Sixers highlights started and ended with Nerlens Noel. He was the Sixers' offense when the game was still competitive in the first quarter (a bad sign for things to come for the team though), and his baseline jumper was a thing of beauty. And all this was in addition to him being his usual solid defensive self. +/- is usually a fairly meaningless stat but him only being a -4 in relation to the rest of the team on a game where the Sixers lost by 35 is rather revealing of his quality in relation to the quality of most of his teammates. In addition to his point contributions, Noel led the team in rebounds (7), steals (4), was third on the team in assists (3, behind MCW with 5 and Larry Drew with 6), and was tied for the team lead in blocks (1).

Marcin Gortat led all players with 20 points on 9-11 shooting. Henry Sims, a last second replacement in the starting line-up for Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, led the Sixers in scoring with 13 points on 5-10 shooting.

Many people were perhaps a bit miffed that they were unable to watch the game due to working on Martin Luther King Day. To those people I say be glad you had something else to occupy your time today. This was not a game worth your time, nor was it ever close to being one. The quality of this recap is an accurate reflection of the quality Sixers basketball this game provided.

Sam Hinkie continues to build, and while the Sixers' style will occasionally lead to exciting and worthwhile games any basketball fan can enjoy prompting us to wish a collective wedgie upon Deadspin, it also leads to games where much better quality opposition steamrolls the Sixers from opening tip to closing horn. You take the good, you take the bad, and then you have the facts of (tanking) life. It's only a matter of time before the Sixers are good and competitive again. Time is being measured in years here, but they are on the right track which is a hell of a lot more than you say for many other NBA teams with less than stellar records. But yeah, none of that changes this game was ass. A good team (the Wizards) steamrolled a bad team (the Sixers). Try not to act shocked.

In conclusion, today's game as best summarized by the Chinese Basketball Association's slam dunk contest.