The Milwaukee Bucks T-Shirt cannon is the thing of your nightmares. http://t.co/hUbaBdoHg8 pic.twitter.com/md6CSkEnaG— FanSided (@FanSided) January 9, 2015
"Size doesn't matter," said my wife recently before she retired to the living room to fawn over Idris Elba/Stringer Bell during an impromptu marathon session of "The Wire."
We all know the truth, however: Bigger is always better. A 6'2" point guard is fine and all, but if you ever want to see a coach drool, just offer him or her the chance to mentor a 6'8" playmaker who towers over the opposition. A 50" TV is nice, but a 65" LED Smart TV? Impressive. And every time I go to Wawa, I always order the regulation-size, 10-inch Classic hoagie. A Shorti? What am I supposed to do with six inches?
The Milwaukee Bucks know that size matters, so this past week, they cranked the knob all of the way to 11. Big Bertha? Your services are no longer required. The Sixers' massive cannon spits out mere T-shirts. The Bucks' new gatling gun? $100 down jackets.
These $100 down Weatherproof jackets will be loaded into Bucks T-shirt gun starting tonight pic.twitter.com/44HiGY0FeM— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) January 9, 2015
I probably shouldn't take a shot at the Bucks considering that they beat the Sixers by 20 the other night, but when you're forced to start someone named Johnny O'Bryant, you need to find ways to entice people to come down to the building.
Clearly, people love getting quality free stuff: More than 17,000 people took the trek to the Wells Fargo Center last night to score a beanie hat. Your move, Adam Aron.
Allen Iverson. Drives the lane. But not his car. Legend. pic.twitter.com/VVaary6yPB— Ol' QWERTY Bastard (@TheDiLLon1) January 5, 2015
Allen Iverson has no time for your "selfie stick." To be perfectly honest, he couldn't even be concerned about driving his own car, either. Missing you, Flight Brothers...
Introducing the Senior Dancers. https://t.co/5IQHezsgYE— Philadelphia 76ers (@Sixers) January 6, 2015
This is a real thing, and I love it. Seriously... how can you not be entertained by senior citizens shaking their hips to "Turn Down For What"?
WAIT OH MY GOD THE SIXERS SENIOR DANCERS ARE HERE ITS LADIES OVER 60 THEYRE DANCING TO TURN DOWN FOR WHAT OH MY GOD— Michael Levin (@Michael_Levin) January 6, 2015
In case you were wondering, the 100 emoji in the Sixers' tweet doesn't refer to the ages of the dancers: Each of the participants sported a jersey that shows how many revolutions they've made around the sun. Because once you reach 65, you honestly don't care if people know how old you really are. #Blessed
The Sixers are 3-1 since the Senior Dancers took the floor last Monday night - proof that doing nice things for old people is never a bad thing. Karma is real, kids.
If you havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son... RT @steviePOPO: Hey Nets, how come you can't be like the Hawks & have a Tinder night?— Brooklyn Nets (@BrooklynNets) January 8, 2015
Troll game on [insert 100 emoji here]
The setup: On Wednesday, the Atlanta Hawks held Tinder Night: An initiative designed to help (presumably) single basketball fans find their true love while Sir Foster plays in the background.
Anyway, Mr. SteviePOPO openly wondered whether his team would host a similar event, and the Brooklyn Nets needed all of 53 characters to set Basketball Twitter aflame.
As much as I hate to say it, while Photoshops with K.J. McDaniels are cool and all, the NBA Social Media Championship Belt resides in Brooklyn for the time being.
(For the record, Tinder Night is a fantastic idea that should be co-opted by every other team in the NBA. Sean O'Connor has already volunteered to be our man on the scene for the Sixers' edition.)
Played hard for 48 mins— Arnett moultrie (@amoultrie) January 9, 2015
Just as I was about to give this the serious side eye, I checked the box score, and lo and behold... Arnett Moultrie did play 48 minutes on the day in question, pouring in 30/8/5 in a hard-fought victory over Jiangsu TX.
On the season, Moultrie is averaging 25.1 points and 12.2 rebounds per game for the Jiangsu Dragons in the Chinese Basketball Association. Who knew that a change of scenery was all Moultrie needed to be great?
Midrange on ...I'm blessed I shoot jumpers for a LIVING!!!...I can't complain!!— Arnett moultrie (@amoultrie) January 11, 2015
Doug Collins taught him well. #ShouldOfKept
It Was Wroten. #SixersWin pic.twitter.com/Zo0u17Ri1s— Philadelphia 76ers (@Sixers) January 6, 2015
#HoopIdea: Instead of calling games as tightly as possible, let NBA players run wild and free, Summer Pro-Am style. Just use the "rules" from the "Above The Rim" Shoot Out tournament, and you'll see Tony Wroten easily pour in 50 points a night.
He plays with no chill as it is: What guard on a then 6-29 basketball team throws off-the-glass alley-oops to a teammate at the end of a close game?
@gonzoCSN The epitaph of Tony's time with the Sixers, when it comes, is still Brett Brown's line: "He won't die wondering."— Gordie Jones (@gordonwjones) January 9, 2015
Epitaph? That's a hell of a yearbook quote. Do they still have yearbooks anymore, or are those all digital, too?
[There was a comment on last night's game thread that was absolute gold and needed to be added in to the shoot around- Sohil]
AND THEN WE'RE GONNA BEAT ATLANTA, AND THEN TORONTO, AND THEN NEW ORLEANS
It's hard not to get swept up in the fun with this Sixers team. So when a small winning streak is upon us, there's no better time to throw out an almost decade-old Chappelle Show reference featuring Howard Dean than now. Sixers may have won a game last night, but LB commenter Chuck won the Game Thread.