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Wait a minute. You're not Roy. Where's Roy? Someone bring back Roy.
Sorry, boys and girls. Roy's not here. Roy doesn't love you anymore. His heart is cold, and his eyes are empty. Roy has moved on. So we had to make a call to the bullpen this week.
*Taps two fingers on his left wrist*
Bring in the lefty.
Quick note: I'm not on Facebook. I'm not on Instagram. I *think* I know what Vine is, and I heard the term ‘snap chat' once in passing. So this should be fun.
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>This is fantastic. <a href="https://twitter.com/NerlensNoel3">@NerlensNoel3</a> in the Chapin wedding party. <a href="http://t.co/0CdyDoGROU">pic.twitter.com/0CdyDoGROU</a></p>— Michael Preston (@preston76) <a href="https://twitter.com/preston76/status/510526257696866304">September 12, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Flippin' adorable. Nerlens Noel did his best Rocky Balboa impression the other day for a feature on NBA TV, and stopped to pose for a picture with the newlyweds.
As a happily married man, I can assure you that the worst part of your wedding day is the post-ceremony pictures. All you want to do is untie your tie (or unclip, depending on your manipulative skills), have a stiff drink and stuff your face with a perfectly-cooked piece of meat. Instead, you have a photographer telling you to put your hand on your wife's waist. No, not that hand. Your other hand. Now turn your head. Face the northern lights. Good. Ok, now kiss her. No tongue, Dave. Dave, seriously, no tongue. Put that away. Keep it classy. Does anyone have a paper towel for Dave's head? He's glistening. Good. Remember your hand, Dave. Back on her waist. No, your other hand. The northern lights, Dave. Don't forget the northern lights. Great, now let's head to the gazebo while the lighting is still good.
The two most famous people I have met were, in order:
1) Dennis Haskins, aka Mr. Belding
2) Denzel Washington
But neither of these fine gentlemen walked in on my wedding day. I'm stuck with a boatload of pictures with my mouth-breathing groomsmen, who only packed white ankle socks and couldn't even bother to shave their neck beards. But here is the wonderful and happy wedding party posing with our future Hall of Fame center, Nerlens Noel. Unbelievable. Some guys have all the luck. Is the one groomsman under Noel's right armpit 3'5" or 6'8"?
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Earlier today, Nerlens Noel finished the final leg of his Rocky run through Philly w/ the help of some loca... <a href="https://t.co/eWRCWfg33S">https://t.co/eWRCWfg33S</a></p>— Philadelphia 76ers (@Sixers) <a href="https://twitter.com/Sixers/status/510565470114959361">September 12, 2014</a></blockquote>
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I want to bottle up this five second video, put it in my pocket like a My Little Pony, and carry it with me forever.
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>16 years ago Monday, Pokemon aired its first episode in America! How about <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/NBAPokemon?src=hash">#NBAPokemon</a> this week? <a href="http://t.co/rNVAUdnyBw">pic.twitter.com/rNVAUdnyBw</a></p>— Philadelphia 76ers (@Sixers) <a href="https://twitter.com/Sixers/status/509736406760300544">September 10, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Pokemon? Come on, Sixers Twitter. Stop catering to Sean and the rest of the LB young'ns. When the official Sixers Twitter feed wants to play #SixersStreetFighter and #MortalKombatSixer, then I'll dance.
Chun-Li Nailon anyone? Hello? Anyone? Hello?
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p><a href="https://twitter.com/RealSkipBayless">@RealSkipBayless</a> Maidana has no chance you know this skip... Floyd already has a feel on Maidana. He's goin to be impossible to beat</p>— Michael Carter-Willi (@MCW1) <a href="https://twitter.com/MCW1/status/510516096957677569">September 12, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Michael, Michael, Michael. There are a few rules we live by here at LB:
1) Never acknowledge Skip Bayless' existence.
2) Never acknowledge Allen Iverson's second stint here.
3) Big Shot isn't dead. He's just sleeping.
Blissful ignorance. It's better this way. You'll learn.
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p><a href="https://twitter.com/JoelEmbiid">@JoelEmbiid</a> now you gone wash my sneaks after every game with a tooth brush</p>— Michael Carter-Willi (@MCW1) <a href="https://twitter.com/MCW1/status/510606209565876224">September 13, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Are MCW and Embiid acting out lines from Shawshank Redemption? Or am I being obtuse?
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p><a href="https://twitter.com/MCW1">@MCW1</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/JoelEmbiid">@JoelEmbiid</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/JeramiGrant">@JeramiGrant</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/Pappyjackk">@Pappyjackk</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/KJMcDaniels">@KJMcDaniels</a> "Ogee vet" = Nerl Nerl ! <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/DoTheShmoneyDance?src=hash">#DoTheShmoneyDance</a></p>— Nerlens Noel (@NerlensNoel3) <a href="https://twitter.com/NerlensNoel3/status/510608595214688257">September 13, 2014</a></blockquote>
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I'm in over my head here. Kids and their Twitter pages these days.
Me: "MJ, what does this tweet mean? What is ogee vet?"
*wife reads tweet*
Wife: "I have no idea. I don't even know what Shmoney is."
*Wife and I Google Shmoney Dance, give up, and put on the Food Network*
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>BUY YOUR TICKETS: Todd MacCulloch to be Inducted into Manitoba Sports Hall of Fame This Fall via <a href="https://twitter.com/basketballmb">@basketballmb</a> <a href="http://t.co/JMmV8q0GSM">http://t.co/JMmV8q0GSM</a></p>— Sport Manitoba (@SportManitoba) <a href="https://twitter.com/SportManitoba/status/509808561757904896">September 10, 2014</a></blockquote>
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BUY YOUR TICKETS!
Why are you yelling at me, Manitoba Sports Hall of Fame? I don't think we here at LB can spring for a trip to Manitoba ... or can we!? I could be talked into a road trip, Bad News Bears (Breaking Training) style. It's perfectly normal to drive to another country with a bunch of dudes you met on the internet. I imagine we would all just pile in a van and tweet at each other anyway. Argue over burritos.
Big Mac is a favorite among these parts, so we're glad MacCulloch is finally receiving his long overdue recognition in the hallowed halls of Manitoba. From what my sources up north have told me, there are a lot of politics surrounding the Manitoba Sports Hall of Fame voting process, but they got it right with this year's inductees. Remember, Winnipeg. It's the Manitoba Hall of Fame, not the Manitoba Hall of Very Good.
Let's take a look at the other inductees and my *official* scouting reports:
Ron Brown (Racquetball Coach): Both a teacher and a motivator.
Wanda Guenette (Volleyball): Led the Western Province League in digs from '89 through '97; 3rd all time in assists.
Lorie Henderson (Artistic Gymnastics): Terrific poise and artistic interpretation on the floor exercise.
Al Kinley (Football/Baseball): Al knows Football. Al knows baseball.
Connie Laliberte (Curling): A career TS% of .867.
Keith McLennan (Lacrosse): Not a lax bro, but a lax pro.
Heather Nesham Ruby (Softball): Hit .310/.434/.627 in '93 for the Saskatoon Steam Engines. The preeminent slugger of her generation.
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>"Sube la copa" Video oficial <a href="https://twitter.com/FIBA">@FIBA</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/Spain2014?src=hash">#Spain2014</a> con <a href="https://twitter.com/LScola4">@LScola4</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/SoyElChapu">@SoyElChapu</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/PPrigioni9">@PPrigioni9</a> y <a href="https://twitter.com/facucampazzo">@facucampazzo</a> --> <a href="https://t.co/ls7bPHLCTA">https://t.co/ls7bPHLCTA</a></p>— CABB (@cabboficial) <a href="https://twitter.com/cabboficial/status/504991667729215488">August 28, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Thanks to Andres Nocioni for this incredible find. I just spent fifteen minutes in the shower dancing to "Sube la copa" over and over. Video to follow.
Speaking of dancing.
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End Zone Dance (via glyall2)
Enjoy your Sunday. Roy will be back next week. Go Birds.