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76ers' Sunday Morning Shootaround: Bachelorette Party

In this edition of the Sunday Morning Shootaround, Joel Embiid flirts with yet another married woman, Nerlens Noel is the modern day Captain Jack Sparrow, and we play a little Six Degrees of Separation, Sixers style.

By Roy Burton
Nerlens Noel: Future All-Star center. Current boat captain extraordinaire.
Nerlens Noel: Future All-Star center. Current boat captain extraordinaire.
Daniel Shirey-USA TODAY Sports

Confession Sunday: I've never watched a second of The Bachelor and/or The Bachelorette. I've invested plenty of hours in dating-centric reality television (Flavor of Love, For The Love of Ray J, and a little known show called More To Love are some of the lowlights), but the only thing I know about The Bachelor series is that Spike Eskin is an avid watcher. So, to that end, I asked our very own Justin F. (the F stands for "Philadelphia") to provide me with a synopsis of this season:

A lady starts with 25 guys and whittles them down to 1 she wants to propose to him. She does this by going on dates, some 1-on-1 dates, others are group dates. The show is accidentally hilarious in so many ways that I really enjoy it.

The Bachelorette and Embiid's new crush is named Andi Dorfman and she ended up getting engaged to the brother of former UGA QB and current Chiefs QB Aaron Murray. His name is Josh and he was a minor league baseball player. He won the show.

The person she rejected at the end, Nick, was so hurt by her dumping him at the end that he asked her why she had sex with him on a live TV show if she knew she was picking Josh. It was an incredibly awkward and uncomfortable moment of live TV.

Embiid may end up creating his own season of The Bachelor if he keeps up his current Twitter pace.

My thoughts:

1) This is all a ploy for Dorfman to make herself as famous as possible. She used to be an Assistant District Attorney in Fulton County, Ga., but she resigned her position to appear on both The Bachelor (season 18) and The Bachelorette (season 10). Based on a 45-second Google image search, she shouldn't really need that much help in the dating scene. But if she wants to parlay this into a few Us Weekly covers, then Vaya Con Dios.

2) I assume that sleeping with as many contestants as possible is just standard operating procedure on these type of shows. I mean, even Flavor Flav convinced a few women to spend the night with him, and he looks like... Flavor Flav.

3) Between Andi Dorfman and Kacie McDonnell, these Murray brothers are PROSPERING.

4) The real winner in all of this is that Nick fellow. He's going to get so much sympathy after being dumped like that on national TV, he'll be able to cancel his OKCupid account by the end of the month.

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The Pat's cheesesteak wrapper is proof positive that Joel Embiid has never been to Philadelphia before. I don't want to get into a flame war over this, but I'll just say that Sonny's, Jim's and Dalessandro's have really good cheesesteaks.

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This alone is enough to make up for the cheesesteak gaffe in his previous photo. The only problem is that the caption of this picture refers to A.I. as "one of the greatest" when simply "the greatest" would have been sufficient.

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And here's a picture of Nerlens Noel driving a speedboat while wearing a 1993-94 Moses Malone jersey (h/t @shamus_clancy). You know, the same uniform Big Mo wore during that epic season when he averaged 5.3 PPG and 4.1 RPG at the tender age of 38.

Part of me wanted to believe that it was/is a Jeff Malone jersey, but it makes sense for a big man such as Noel to show some love to a fellow center. What doesn't make sense in this photo? The box of Cheez-Its tucked away inside the windshield. I would have paid good money to have been on the dock right before MCW's BFF fired up the speedboat...

Nerlens Noel's Pre-Boat Ride Checklist

  • Keys
  • Smartphone
  • Full tank of gas
  • Moses Malone Jersey
  • Hermes bucket hat
  • Box of Cheez-Its (because you never know)

Speaking of Nerlens Noel, please feel free to caption the picture below:

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Unpopular opinion: I think this Vine might be 2.2% fugazi. While it's clearly an athletic feat of epic proportions - he is 5'10" after all - I don't think he actually dunked the ball.

I've watched the clip more times than I've seen "Kim Kardashian, Superstar" Game 1 of the 2001 NBA Finals, and based on his movements and the way the ball goes through the net, I think he "just" throws the ball in (think Dwight Howard's Superman dunk back in '08).

Regardless... get well soon, @pappyjackk.

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Because... August, Sixers.com is filling the time with Six Degrees of Philly Separation with the current roster. We figured we'd help them out a bit:

Henry Sims was traded for Spencer Hawes last season. Hawes famously shared a glass of Tang with Mike Levin back in September. Levin, of course, knows Rich Hofmann and Derek Bodner, who both broke bread with Sam Hinkie.

Here's another: When Brandon Davies was caught doing a bit more than "soaking" at BYU, he was teammates with Jimmer Fredette. Jimmer Fredette is married to Whitney Fredette, who follows me on Twitter. Last year, I went to the NBA Draft Lottery, and Adam Aron hugged me. So that's either three or four degrees of separation, depending on if you count Adam Aron.

(This is fun.)

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The timing is the key here: The coup started LONG BEFORE the Brandon Davies puff piece. Even so, I still poured out some of my Coors Light Summer Brew in your honor last night. Just one question, though: What am I going to do with all of these "Chipotle > Moe's" jokes that I've been sitting on for the past two years?

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