According to the hashtag that accompanied the photo, this has something to do with "Ivy." I have no idea what Ivy refers to, but if there's an episode of a TV show out there that features/includes one Mike Levin, I need to see it (and then have someone smarter than I am rip it and post it on YouTube).
THINGS THAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IN 2014 THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAPPEN IN 2014
1) Google's self-driving car
2) The Sixers' drafting of Andrew Wiggins
4) The demise of Bitcoin
5) An Eagles' playoff victory
6) "Sharknado 2"
7) A Jersey Mike's location opening closer to my house
378) Dr. Dre's Detox
"Ivy" isn't listed on Levin's IMDB page which is impressive because... Levin has an IMDB page. Apparently, we can blame him for the downfall of both How I Met Your Mother as well as Saturday Night Live.
(Surgeon General's Warning: Do not go directly to Levin's Instagram page. If you do, you might accidentally stumble across a picture of a half-naked Dave Rueter.)
If you go out for karaoke and "Just a Friend" isn't in the song book, you need to go immediately down your drink and make your way to another establishment (by foot/cab - we don't promote drinking and driving here).
Not only does everyone know the chorus, but there are plenty of moments in "Just A Friend" ("Oh snap! Guess what I saw?") that get the crowd going. On my personal Big Board, this is right up there with "Poison" by BBD and "You Give Love A Bad Name" by Bon Jovi.
It's going to be hard to beat this, Internet.
I stand corrected.
Levin already wrote two hundred words about this, but that don't confront me. This clip is more layers than tiramisu: check out Collins's smug, post-lyric look followed by the fist bump, Bill Simmons's face screams "WTF just happened", and Sage Steele is visibly calculating in her mind how much of a raise she'll need to work with Jalen Rose next year.
But seriously... how in the hell does Collins know the lyrics to a Birdman/Clipse song? And how was he able to deliver it with only a faint tinge of lilywhiteness? As Rose mentioned, the track came out while Collins was coaching the Washington Wizards back in 2002-03 - below are the likely co-conspirators:
Bobby Simmons/Larry Hughes (2-1): These are the leaders in the clubhouse: Two young, hip guys who were heavy into rap back during the early part of the 2000s. Besides, Hughes has a teardrop tattoo like Birdman, so this makes sense on multiple levels.
Kwame Brown (12-1): He and Doug are BFFs, so this is possible. But it's hard to spit Clipse lyrics if you're eating all of the time.
Juan Dixon (500-1): The former Maryland product was a rookie back then, so Doug probably didn't talk to him during the entire season.
Michael Jordan (1,000-1): Doesn't seem like the world's biggest Birdman fan. Not sure why: Cash Money fans buy sneakers, too.
Brian Cardinal (N/A): Just... no.
For the record, I'm still not a fan of Collins' tenure here with the Sixers. Now if he spits Inspectah Deck's verse from "Triumph"? All bets are off.
Why can't pitchers run ninety feet? Do they have metal legs or something?— WIBR (@wheresbenrivera) June 1, 2014
Does no one remember Base Wars?
The correct answer to this is the following:
You don't know what desperate means until you find yourself eating at a rest stop Roy Rogers on a Saturday night.— Sean O'Connor (@soconnor76) June 1, 2014
OK... rest stop restaurants are always the worst restaurants, but I would like to offer a defense for the legendary Roy Rogers chain.
Their Bacon Cheeseburger is half of the reason why most of my clothes as a child came from the "husky" section of JCPenney, and the Gold Rush Chicken Sandwich is grossly underrated. Their food is almost - ALMOST - good enough to defeat the sadness that envelopes a turnpike rest stop once nighttime rolls around.
(Why are rest stops and bus terminals perpetually sad places? I think Vox.com needs to do an investigation.)
If you ever wanted to kill an afternoon, just click on the link above and scroll through Billy King's transaction list. The former Sixers' GM was a one-man wrecking crew: He traded first-round picks for guys like Nazr Mohammed, Mirsad Turkcan and Jerome Moiso. Jerome [redacted] Moiso. And the Nets still hired him.
'Merica (by way of Russia).