Sixers Swag: Dave and Roy Go Shopping on eBay (vol. 2)

Roy and I spotted some gorgeous Sixers swag at the LB Lottery Party this past week. The custom-made Hinkie shirts? Phenomenal. Even the Russian judges gave you fellas a ten. Mr. Levin absolutely owned the bar in his original Pepe Sanchez shirsey. And then, like a phoenix descending from the heavens, Roy and I spotted a guy with an early 90's Sixers warm-up jacket . Incredible. My little Internet friends never cease to amaze me.

You can find our first installment of Dave and Roy Go Shopping on eBay here.

Two Philadelphia Spectrum Seats

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Dave: Picture this, Roy.

It's a Thursday night. The Phillies just lost a Business Person Special earlier that day. You and your wife are catching up on your Netflix, plowing through episodes of House of Cards not from your old couch that's been with you since college; but instead, you're sitting cozy and snug in Row 1, Seats 18 and 19 from the Philadelphia Spectrum.

Look at these beauties.

Let Spectrum nostalgia waft over you. If you listen closely, you can almost hear Armon Gilliam boxing out (R.I.P). That stickiness under your feet is just from the cotton candy I dropped back in '91. These seats hold up anywhere, Roy. You don't need to banish them to your man cave (which is arguably the lamest concept ever created by man). Park these seats right in front of your TV. Toss that couch in a bonfire. Think of all the space that will open up for you. I know you've been itching for that NBA Jam arcade game, but haven't had the floor space to pull the trigger. These Spectrum seats can complement any living room decor.

$399 for the pair, Roy. No delivery, so we'll have to pick it up ourselves. We'll grab some Chipotle - make a day of it. Are you free next Saturday?

Roy: Hold on... $399 for the pair? I just rented a flatbed from Enterprise, Dave - do you want extra barbacoa on your burrito?

I'm pretty sure these are the same seats that me and the rest of my Christian youth group sat in during an epic Heat-Sixers triple-overtime game back in '92. Andrew Lang dropped 18 and 20 that night, and the next day, I practiced my post moves for a good 35 minutes at the neighborhood park. Pete Newell would have been proud.

If I'm going to replace my current living room set, then I'll need at least four of these chairs. I have to call Diners Club to see if they'll raise my spending limit by a few hundred bucks - we should be good to go by Saturday.

Dave: That's the spirit, Roy. And that box score - incredible. The Christian Youth Group must've been on cloud nine during the trek home from that one. That Lang line! And Greg Grant played 40 minutes off the bench! And Kenny Payne chipped in 13! And an Eddie Lee Wilkins sighting!*

*Little known fact, but Eddie Lee was actually the third Godwin brother, along with Henry and Phineas. Didn't get much TV time, though.

I went to a Phillies game with my church's altar servers back in '96. Left the Vet kicking and screaming because the chaperone had us leave before the bottom of the 9^th in a 2-1 ball game. Predictably, Mark Whiten took a Todd Worrell offering into the seats while we were in the car. The Phils later walked it off. We're Children of the 90's. We know, Roy. You never, ever, ever, leave a game early when you still have Hard Hittin' in your back pocket.

Mesh Camouflage Sleeve T-shirt

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Dave: *Guy walks into a bar*

Bartender: "Hey, Ron. How's it going?"

*Ron shrugs, slides into his usual seat the bar*

Bartender: "Rough day?"

*Ron shakes his head, drops a $20 bill down onto the bar*

Ron: "I can't find it, Ted. I just cannot find it. I've looked everywhere. All I want is a Sixers shirt that looks like a 1997 AFC Pro Bowl uniform. And I just can't find one."

*Bartender pulls his iPad from under the bar and logs on to eBay.com *

Bartender: "Today might just be your lucky day."

For $19.95, Roy, it's yours.

Roy: I want to like this ... but I can't. I appreciate the ingenuity (not to mention the willingness of ChevyShowcase.com to sponsor such a garish thing), but there's a difference between being stylish and standing out like a sore thumb. This is clearly an example of the latter.

Let's be honest: This looks like a leftover prop from Master P's "Make 'Em Say Uhh" video. Pretty sure this one was earmarked for C-Murder, but the wardrobe coordinator asked for the wrong size. Tanner would be well within his rights to clown us if we showed up at the next Liberty Ballers Meet-Up wearing this. We'd be the subject of Andy Reid's Waistline Photoshops for the next decade.

For what it's worth, the company that made this hideous thing (Park Antony - an offshoot of the Mark Anthony Collection) is still in business, an amazing fact when you consider that one of their claims to fame is a crew neck T-shirt with "Nobody Beats The Wiz" emblazoned on the front.

Rodney Carney Jersey

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Dave: Love the ARW shout-out. (He's terrific and deserves a follow).

Now, Roy, maybe I've softened in my old age, but I'm bullish on this Carney jersey. Carney wasn't a Flight Brother, but he was kinda like a Flight Distant Cousin. You remember, Rodney. I think he's Uncle Mike's kid. We're a few years removed from the ‘Here Comes the Black Shirts' Era - and like most sane human beings, I prefer the red, white and blue kits - but this Carney jersey rehashes a lot of memories. It appeals to a specific time in my life. My early 20s: A time where I drove hours upon hours around Manayunk cursing Andre Miller and looking for a parking spot.

This is a steal at $24.99. How many should I pencil you down for, Roy? Five, six Carney jerseys? They'll make for great stocking stuffers.

Roy: That sound you heard just now was my trackpad clicking on the auction's drop-down box to see if they had this in my size. Winner winner, chicken dinner...

(Brief aside - Swingman jerseys were the BEST: they were the closest thing you could get to an authentic jersey without the $250 price tag. $250 was a lot of money back in the day - that was like 500 games of Virtua Fighter 2 in the arcade.)

I always had a soft spot for Rodney Carney (and any player who dunks with reckless abandon but has very few actual basketball skills). You're dead on: He was like half-Flight Brother, half Rodney Buford-esque Sheriff. He didn't do anything well, but he sure as hell looked good doing it.

But we will agree to disagree on one point: I love the Blackshirts. The reasons are as follows:

A) It's the jersey I associate most with Allen Iverson.

B) Zumoff's "And the Blackshirts are running tonight!" line is one of the more underrated Zumoffisms in his entire canon. I may or may not still say it to myself at the start of every game.

Dave: Where do I begin? You can't just nonchalantly name drop Virtua Fighter and then segue right into Rodney Carney Talk. That's unnatural. I loved Virtua Fighter, Roy, but when it comes to the more expensive arcade games, I was partial to the racing genre. While most 15 year old guys were chasing girls around, I spent my brace-face days playing Crazy Taxi, making sure the residents of San Francisco got to their destination in a safe and timely fashion.

Although I'll never understand why so many people were trying to get to the Helipad; how many flippin' helicopter rides did those people take?

And you say you love the Black Shirts, but you make no reference to their color scheme or design. Of course we associate those uniforms with Iverson, but it doesn't mean they were good-looking uniforms. You could've dressed AI in denim and those uniforms would have stirred up some positive memories years later. It doesn't, however, give you carte blanche to walk down the streets of Sicklerville in your high-waisted Sixers jean shorts. You got great legs, Roy, no doubt, but let's leave a little to the imagination, huh?

Autographed Weatherspoon Shoes

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Dave: When I was living in Boston, I developed an unhealthy obsession with Pawn Stars on the History Channel. I loved that Rick has ‘a guy' for every type of item. He has a Weapons Guy. He has an Autograph Guy. A Sports Guy. He has a Book Girl. And for everything else, he has that dude in the straw hat who "knows everything there is to know about this kind of stuff."

Well, Roy, I have guys, too.

Mike Levin: He's my Rita's Water Ice memorabilia Guy.

Rich Hoffman: He's my Smush Parker collectibles Guy.

Mike Baumann: Mike is my Jackie Bradley Jr. artifacts Guy.

Jon in LA: Jon in LA is my designer suits Guy.

And Tanner Steidel is my Shoe Guy. No one knows more about basketball shoes than Tanner, so it would be a disservice to our audience not to have Tanner chime in on a pair of signed ‘Spoon Shoes. #SpoonShoes!

Tanner: When I see a dilapidated pair of old Nike basketball shoes, the only thing that comes to mind is Calvin Cambridge. Could you imagine if these shoes had the same effect but instead of inheriting Michael Jordan's talents, you were #blessed with the skill set of one Clarence Weatherspoon? You'd be pump faking your way to the league in no time.

The sneaker market in 2014 is what Beanie Baby and Pokemon card obsessions were in the mid to late 90s. You want this first edition Blastoise? I hope it glows in the dark since you won't be able to pay your electricity bill next month. You want the Bred XI's? Better be prepared to miss the next 3 months of mortgage payments. With how absurd sneaker resale prices are (thank your friendly neighborhood Jake Pavorsky), a measly $200 (FREE SHIPPING!) for Spoon Shoes could be the biggest bargain of the decade.

And if you're strapped for cash, don't worry, both shoes are signed. You'll be able to get some of the cost back by pawning one off at a Wednesday Sixers/Jazz showdown and still be able to "spoon" a piece of Clarence memorabilia every night. It's really a win/win.

Roy: This thread has officially come full circle: Obviously, any discussion about denim has to end with Michael Jordan. After all, NO ONE does denim like His Airness.

But I digress ... jean sets have nothing to do with Clarence Weatherspoon. And although I usually defer to Tanner on all sneaker-related topics (especially after he told me last week that my pair of vintage Starburys were no longer in style), I have to pass on the #SpoonShoes.

For starters, these really won't show well in a glass case. And maybe my eyes are playing tricks on me, but did Spoon really ball in low-tops? And why is the autograph wildly different on the two shoes? I'm giving these the People's Eyebrow - I wouldn't be surprised if Tim Witherspoon was the one who actually signed these. He was never the same after that '98 loss to Andrew Golota.

(Brief aside: How did you know about my jean shorts? I knew I should have voted against those stop light cameras last November.)

(Briefer aside: Wolf is a top-3 Virtua Fighter character, and there really is no room for discussion.)

Dave: We agree on Wolf!

76ers "Clinched" T-shirt

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Dave: Here we have a t-shirt commemorating the Sixers clinching the #7 seed in the 2011 playoffs.

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Now, Roy. Hold on, hold on. Let's not jump to any conclusions here. I admit, I admit, it doesn't look good. At first glance, this shirt appears to be the worst contrived item of all time. But let's read the eBay description first. We're pillars of the community after all, Roy. Let's set a good example. We're an accepting blogging community, tolerant of all people and ideas. Let's hear them out:

Get ready to join the hunt as your Sixers enter the 2011 NBA Playoffs looking for a taste of the championship title with this Clinched tee from Adidas. Featuring arched "Clinched" lettering boldly printed across the front above the team name and logo, this tee is sure to keep you cheering throughout the Playoffs!

On second thought, go grab your pitchfork. I'll bring the torches.

Roy: Somewhere... probably behind the counter of a Popeye's in western Louisiana... Craig Brackins is shaking his head at this shirt.

As "pillars of the community", I have to politely disagree with your opening argument, Dave. At first glance AND EVERY SUBSEQUENT GLANCE, this is the worst contrived item of all time. What's the shelf life on this - six hours?

I hate "Clinched" shirts even more than I despise division and conference championship T-shirts. The only article of clothing I have related to that magical run 13 years ago is a generic "2001 NBA Finals" shirt (if you don't count that Jumaine Jones swingman I splurged on in 2009).

But again, since we are an accepting blogging community, here's a link to the shirt for only $6.99 - $1 less than the eBay listing. You'd probably be better off buying this pet bandana, but I'm not one to tell people how to spend their money.

The pitchforks have been sharpened - at midnight, we ride.

Let's go to Mo ... for the official results:

Two Philadelphia Spectrum Seats: Toot

Mesh Camouflage Sleeve T-shirt: Boot

Rodney Carney Jersey: Toot

Autographed Weatherspoon Shoes: Boot

76ers "Clinched" T-shirt: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT