For those of you who aspire to become an RA one day, don't be this guy.
College Rule No. 22: If/when your team wins a National Championship, you have the right to act a damn fool... within reason. Flipping cars is verboten, lighting couches on fire is frowned upon, and uprooting lightposts is all fun and games until you get hit with that higher tuition bill the following semester.
But I digress... Derek the RA is the worst. I've never heard of a student at a school accuse his fellow classmates of "cheering for laundry." Derek is the dude that will catch that whiff of a Black-and-Mild from 50 yards away. The same guy who will end your Titanfall sesh at 8:45 PM because he has a biochem lab the morning.
THE OFFICIAL DEREK/DERRICK POWER RANKINGS
1) Derek Bodner
2) Derek Jeter
3) Derrick Comedy (which spawned the comedic career of Donald Glover, which then begat Childish Gambino)
4) UMass G Derrick Gordon
5) Derrick Rose (the injuries have knocked him down a couple of pegs)
6) Derrick Brooks
16) Derrick Favors
17) Bo Derek
18) Derek Bell ("Operation Shutdown" is one of the more underrated quotes in sports history)
529) Derrick McKey
530) Derrick Williams (the statute of limitations on his one-man destruction of Duke in 2011 has run out)
33,009) Derek Fisher
477,846) Derrick Coleman
447,847) Derek the RA
Forgot to tweet this earlier today but something tells me I should avoid the spicy tuna in this place pic.twitter.com/P58gNDqDw9— Malik Rose (@MalikRose) April 11, 2014
A long time ago (even before our very own Jake Pavorsky was born), there was a combination Chinese food / donut shop on the campus of Temple University. If memory serves me correctly, the left side of the establishment handled the General Tso's chicken, while the right side would sell you as many Boston creme donuts as your heart desired. You could literally order a half-dozen glazed donuts and two egg rolls and pay for them all at the same time.
Something about the arrangement rubbed me the wrong way, but I had a hankering for shrimp fried rice one day, so I decided to take the plunge. Worst. Decision. Ever.
Shortly thereafter, the combo Chinese/donut shop was replaced by a Wendy's. A few years later, there was a store in the heart of campus that sold bubble tea and cell phones. Time is a flat circle.
MCW picked up a hobby... guitar. He's traveling w/ it here in Charlotte & his favorite song to play is by a Penn guy. John Legend-All of Me.— Molly Sullivan (@MollyESullivan) April 12, 2014
I'm confused... I'm fairly certain that Michael Carter-Williams has a girlfriend, so I'm not sure why he's wasting his time trying to learn a John Legend song on the guitar.
"All Of Me" would be the perfect song for players (hi, Brandon Davies) who are trying to close the deal with a woman they've wooed back to the hotel room after (yet another) road loss. From what I've been told, another solid choice is "Crash Into Me" by the Dave Matthews Band. But again, that's pure hearsay and nothing more.
According to Molly Sullivan, MCW is also fond of playing a little 3 Doors Down as well. I'd hate to be the person in the next room over... I'm sure Tony Wroten loves going to sleep to the soothing sounds of "Kryptonite."
Just asked @MalikRose if he heard that Drake is hosting the ESPYS. Malik: "He wants to be a basketball wife so bad..."— Molly Sullivan (@MollyESullivan) April 12, 2014
Is there an award for the best color analyst in the NBA? If there isn't, then we're more than willing to start an IndieGogo crowdfunding page in support of Malik Rose. If you can, take a spin around League Pass one night, and you'll see (or, in this case, hear) just how good we have it here: The 3 M's are among the best in the sport.
Speaking of which, you should take a few minutes to read this Grantland article on Rose and Marc Zumoff on Grantland. Rose admits that he caught a little heat for some of the things that he said early in his broadcast career, but at least he stays awake.
Philadelphia 76ers (@Sixers) April 11, 2014
Arnett Moultrie... gone, but not forgotten.
This is why the NBA is the best: Despite the constant flurry of 10-day contracts handed out by Sam Hinkie and Co., they're still aware of the 15 guys that actually comprise the Sixers' roster. Given the performance of the Liberty Ballers' staff on this Sporcle quiz, we think that's a pretty impressive feat.
Oh... hello, sponsored tweet - it's nice to see you.
Oh... hello, sponsored Facebook post - it's nice to see you as well. It's amazing that MCW just happened to walk into a store, saw BODYARMOR in the fridge, decided to take a picture of it and then post said picture on Facebook. What's next?
"Just dropped into Guitar Center and saw this on display. Grab your Fender Stratocaster today. Love that Eric Clapton edition."