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You may not know this if you're a fashion designer from Oakland or a chemical engineer in Roanoke, but if you're on this site (and I trust that you are, because you're reading these words) the Sixers have lost 25 consecutive games. They've played 25 teams in the last two months and lost to them all. Each and every time. A loss tomorrow against the Houston Rockets would tie the NBA record for most losses in a row, currently held by the 2010-11 LeBronless Cavaliers. There is a strong -- very strong -- case to be made that these Sixers as they now stand are the worst team of all time.
And now, delightfully, let us skim through the quarter-century mark of failures Brett Brown's Sixers have endured since Evan Turner hit a game-winning baseline jumper against the Boston Celtics on January 29th. I'm going to use this ratings system to determine how bad of a loss it was.
-- Not bad: HOME ALONE 2: LOST IN NEW YORK
-- Kinda bad: HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS
-- Pretty bad: THE LOST BOYS
-- Really bad: LAND OF THE LOST
-- Most bad: LOST
LOSS #1: 99-125, Atlanta Hawks -- 1/31/14
Tony Wroten shot 1-13.
"Philly's starters' +/- tonight looks like the spreads of some non-conference college football games." - Dave Rueter
Rank: LAND OF THE LOST
LOSS #2: 96-113, Detroit Pistons -- 2/1/14
Made Kyle Singler (20 and 10) look like the god he was always meant to be.
"It's like a piece of gum that's stretched really thin as long as it can possibly go without breaking after being chewed for an hour." - Sean O'Connor
Rank: THE LOST BOYS
LOSS #3: 102-108, Brooklyn Nets -- 2/3/14
Mirza Teletovic this time -- 20 points. We were gonna have a full article dedicated to the career games of opposing players during the streak, but this seems as good a time as any to do both.
Rank: HOME ALONE 2: LOST IN NEW YORK
LOSS #4: 108-114, Boston Celtics -- 2/5/14
Back when the Celtics thought they could hang with us. We let Brandon Bass and Jared Sullinger combine for 37 points on 21 shots. I don't think so, Boston.
"Arnett Moultrie's fitness is non-negotiable." - Brett Brown
Rank: HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS
LOSS #5: 98-112, Los Angeles Lakers -- 2/7/14
The Lakers had 9 healthy players. Ryan Kelly started. Ryan Kelly played well. Wesley Johnson was on the court for 43 minutes.
"Possibly the most glorious night of tanking this season." - Jake Pavorsky
Rank: LAND OF THE LOST
LOSS #6: 78-123, Los Angeles Clippers -- 2/9/14
I was there, Gandalf.
You know it was bad when the final score doesn't do the game justice.
"The atmosphere inside is what I imagine the Ancient Roman arenas were like, as gladiators beat each other to death in the center for their entertainment. Bloodlust like nothing I've ever seen. The Punic Wars had absolutely nothing on this night. The game ended." - Things went over the top in February for me.
Rank: LOST
LOSS #7: 80-123, Golden State Warriors -- 2/10/14
They lost this game by a lot of points.
The Marreese Speights game.
The recap consisted entirely of a T.S. Eliot quote and a picture of a certain octopus.
Rank: LOST
LOSS #8: 100-105, Utah Jazz -- 2/12/14
Uh, Tony Wroten played 17 minutes and didn't take a single shot. Does anyone else remember this?
At least Alec Burks had 26 points.
Rank: HOME ALONE 2: LOST IN NEW YORK
LOSS #9: 85-114, Cleveland Cavaliers -- 2/18/14
Zach Lowe on Spencer Hawes: "It was a masterpiece of not giving a fuck."
Rank: LOST
**Goodbye Evan Turner, Spencer Hawes, and Lavoy Allen.**
LOSS #10: 112-124, Dallas Mavericks -- 2/21/14
With all the traded players not yet available, Elliot Williams and Arnett Moultrie started. That's all you need to know.
Rank: HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS
LOSS #11: 110-130, Milwaukee Bucks -- 2/24/14
That's this year's Milwaukee Bucks, not the Cassell-Allen-Dog Bucks. Those same Bucks who to this day are still two games worse than the Sixers.
"On the other hand, Eric Maynor was a minus-29 in 16 minutes, which is pretty hard to do." - Rich Hofmann, welcoming Eric Maynor into the fold.
Rank: LOST
LOSS #12: 90-101, Orlando Magic -- 2/26/14
Nothing like a Nik Vucevic revenge game.
"The Sixers were the guy who went to the bar hoping for some luck, but got too drunk off $3 fireball shots and puked his night up from 1-2 AM until the bar closed. With tonight's loss, the Sixers successfully went 0-February. Forget tongue, the Sixers couldn't even escape the night with an innocent, middle school caliber kiss." - Tanner Steidel, maybe hitting a little too close to home.
Rank: THE LOST BOYS
LOSS #13: 103-122, Washington Wizards -- 3/1/14
This is getting exhausting, let's run a few. They lost this game.
LOSS #14: 81-92, Orlando Magic -- 3/2/14
They lost this game.
LOSS #15: 92-125, Oklahoma City Thunder -- 3/4/14
They lost this game.
LOSS #16: 92-104, Utah Jazz -- 3/8/14
The word "lost" looks really weird to me now. Is that how it's spelled? Lost? LOST? L-O-S-T? Ah, well.
LOSS #17: 110-123, New York Knicks -- 3/10/14
They lost this game.
LOSS #18: 98-115, Sacramento Kings -- 3/12/14
This seemed like their last shot at the time, and it sorta seems like it now.
They lost this game.
Rank: THE LOST BOYS
LOSS #19: 94-101, Indiana Pacers -- 3/14/14
Tony Wroten lost a shoe, and Arnett Moultrie was sent down to the D-League because he wasn't good enough to play for a team that had lost 18 straight games.
Rank: HOME ALONE 2: LOST IN NEW YORK
LOSS #20: 77-103, Memphis Grizzlies -- 3/15/14
Only three Grizzlies hit double-figures and the Sixers lost by 26. Welcome to Philly, Darius Johnson-Odom. Thank you for shooting 0-5.
Rank: LOST
LOSS #21: 90-99, Indiana Pacers -- 3/17/14
The Sixers played a good Indiana team tough again, but at this point we realized just how many things have to go right in order for the Sixers to actually win one.
Have 10 points, Ian Mahinmi.
Rank: HOME ALONE 2: LOST IN NEW YORK
LOSS #22: 94-102, Chicago Bulls -- 3/19/14
James Nunnally won our hearts and Tanner had a segment in the recap called "Your best 24 second shot clock violations of the day."
Rank: HOME ALONE 2: LOST IN NEW YORK
LOSS #23: 92-93, New York Knicks -- 3/21/14
James Anderson with a clutch turnover, otherwise they were winning this game.
Rank: THE LOST BOYS, just because of how it ended.
LOSS #24: 81-91, Chicago Bulls -- 3/22/14
Henry Sims piled in 18 and 15. He's definitely a candidate for the Arizona Fall League and get some work in. High hopes for that one.
Jake Pavorsky took my advice and didn't watch the game.
Rank: HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS
LOSS #25: 91-113, San Antonio Spurs -- 3/24/14
The Spurs were drunkenly stumbling through this one and still won by 22. Spurs broadcasters even asserted that the Sixers were so bad that they were throwing off Manu's game. Like he's used to players having a modicum of ability, at least enough to bite on his fakes, but the Sixers reaction times were so slow that they didn't even bother doing that, sending his game into disarray.
That's a very Spurs broadcastian thing to say.
Rank: LAND OF THE LOST
LOSS #26: ?????????????
We'll see if they get there tomorrow night. You're on watch, 2010-11, Cavs.