:format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/28311081/20130627_jla_aa9_004.0.jpg)
If Helen of Troy is the face that launched a thousand ships, Keith Pompey's video of Nerlens Noel working out last week is the clip that made a thousand pants tighter.
You all can enjoy watching that if you so choose, but color me unimpressed. Wake me when he's ready.
I'm not going to fall for the banana in the tailpipe.
There are very few two-minute clips of anything that are worth getting worked up over (this extended commercial featuring a new Kendrick Lamar track is a notable exception), so watching Noel throw in a few left-handed hooks over a 45-year-old Greg Foster simply doesn't excite me.
18 seconds in, Noel reaches for a towel to wipe his sweaty brow. Do you know what that screams? POOR CONDITIONING. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets sent to the Delaware 87ers soon. Hopefully, Lorenzo Brown will let him borrow his E-Z Pass.
Jason Richardson just started shooting light jump shots 13 months after injuring his knee, and I'm supposed to believe that a 19-year-old kid in the prime of his life recovers from injury faster than a 12-year NBA veteran?
Please.
Have fun trying to grill a steak with that snake oil that the Sixers just sold you. I'll be over here playing PartyPoker until Noel actually suits up in a real game.
Noel gets his elbow above the rim like he's not even trying. He's ridiculously athletic.
— Derek Bodner (@DerekBodnerNBA) February 6, 2014
Whatever. Let's see him try and do that against Lavoy Allen in practice. It's a good thing for Noel that Dewayne Dedmon isn't here anymore: D-Train would have swatted those weak shots into the third row. If PCOM actually had a third row.
For the record, I'm sure these are the same things that Andrew Bynum may or may not have done when he may or may not have practiced with the team last year. In fact, if I had to choose between the two for the rest of their careers, the decision is simple:
Tale of the Tape: Nerlens Noel vs. Andrew Bynum
| Nerlens Noel | Vs. | Andrew Bynum |
| 6'11" | Height | 7'0" |
| ~228 pounds | Weight | ~285 pounds |
| NONE | All-Star selections | 1 |
| Flat-top | Hairstyle(s) | Blowout afro, half-blowout/half-cornrows, the "Frederick Douglass" |
| Calls people to wish them a Happy Birthday | What they do in their downtime | Masters ninja workouts |
| Dancing | Hidden talent | Flamenco dancing |
The Sixers even got the media to buy into the propaganda that they're trying to peddle:
Nerlens Noel is putting on a display after #Sixers practice. Left- and right-handed hook shots, and one-handed dunks aplenty.
— Christopher A. Vito (@ChrisVito) February 6, 2014
.@NerlensNoel3 is putting on a show during 1-on-1 drills in front of the media. He has skills!
— Keith Pompey (@PompeyOnSixers) February 6, 2014
#Sixers Nerlens Noel moving well, spinning and dunking on assistant coach Greg Foster. #76ers @NerlensNoel3
— Tom Moore (@tmoore76ers) February 6, 2014
Well played, Michael Preston. Well played.
Noel's coach - the man who has seen him every day for the past four months - is even telling everyone to calm down:
"The message is two-fold: Yep, you'd be as excited as I am to project out what could be in Nerlens Noel. But don't get tricked," Brown said. "There's a long ways to go. When it happens is anybody's guess right now. Those are the two messages."
No one wants to listen, though. No one seems to remember that it took Derrick Rose 18 months to come back from his knee injury.
See you in 2015.
#TogetherWeWait
