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Sixers 90, Magic 101: Malik In the Club Screaming "No New Friends"

The Magic gave the Sixers their 12th straight loss in Philadelphia tonight. Things happened. Mostly funny, horrible things.

Defense, by Byron Mullens
Defense, by Byron Mullens
John Geliebter-USA TODAY Sports

The Michael Carter-Williams facing off against Victor Oladipo storyline is probably the only reason a casual fan would have tuned into this game for any amount of time whatsoever. The two most likely Rookie of the Year candidates squared off in Philadelphia where the Sixers looked to get their first and only win in the month of February against the not so far behind Orlando Magic. The Magic were having none of it, beating the white shirts 101-90 to close out the month.

Carter-Williams was allegedly not a fan of the previous narrative, explaining to reporters this is all a team effort and not one guy against another. In fact, Carter-Williams claimed he and Oladipo are actually friends off the court and stay in constant communication.

Our favorite color commentator Malik Rose was not a fan of this proclamation. Malik did clarify that he doesn't want these kids to be enemies, but they shouldn't be sending selfies to each other after they get milkshakes. I was prepared for a nice little Malik rant but he let it go shortly after. I needed something entertaining during a game that lacked exciting or even just a bit of an exhilarating moment. Malik could have been that something.

Instead, it was the enigma that is Byron Mullens that provided all the fun and excitement we'd need out of this contest. Upon entering midway through the first quarter, the "Don't Call Me BJ" show got into full action mode faster than an episode of Roy Burton produced "24".

In just nine minutes of first half action, Mullens jacked up four three-pointers, none of which found the bottom of the net. A couple more jumpers inside the line were subject to the same fate and allowed the greatest asset of the tank to notch an impressive 1-8 shooting line in the first two frames.

Carter-Williams wasn't about to let Mullens get all the credit in subpar play on this night, though. The Sixer rookie did not have it going all game long. From bad passes to ill-advised takes to the bucket when a teammate was open elsewhere, Carter-Williams struggled to be a positive impact on the floor for the majority of the game. It took until halfway into the fourth quarter for Carter-Williams to see the free throw line for the first time. This coming from a player who averages nearly six attempts per game.

Even with the futilitastic (new word, embrace it) efforts from Mullens and Carter-Williams, the true player of the game had to be top 10 talent in the 2012 NBA Draft, Arnett Moultrie. Take a look at the stat line below and tell me if this isn't 2nd team All-NBA type stuff:

16 minutes played, 0-2 from the floor, 0 rebounds, 0 assists, 1 turnover, 1 blocked shot, 0 free throw attempts

They say he was on the court tonight, but the statistics suggest otherwise. Ladies and gentleman, Arnett Moultrie. If the Sixers make the playoffs next year, they lose their first round pick because of him (well, because of Doug Collins). I think only Mo Speezy has the words to describe that.

February is the month of Valentine's Day. If you go out the night before or even the night of the holiday of love, chances are you're going to be able to find somebody to at least share the night with out of desperation and fear of loneliness.

The Sixers were the guy who went to the bar hoping for some luck, but got too drunk off $3 fireball shots and puked his night up from 1-2 AM until the bar closed. With tonight's loss, the Sixers successfully went 0-February. Forget tongue, the Sixers couldn't even escape the night with an innocent, middle school caliber kiss.

Up next is the game that Philly fans have been waiting for since the announcement on the opening night of the season: the jersey retirement for Allen Iverson. It's going to be live in the Wells Fargo Center as Eric Maynor takes on his former team, the Washington Wizards. Roy will be there shedding tears. Rich will be there venting about Fordham basketball. Dave will be there standing in line for 22 oz. High Lifes. Baumann will be there creating and arranging words in ways I never knew possible. I'll be on my couch because I can't move. 2014 Sixers basketball.

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