Aaron Altman: Good evening.
In mood and language better-suited to a Will Ferrell movie than the delicate world of the National Basketball Association, backup center Tyler Zeller went for 18 points and 15 rebounds in 25 minutes against what he termed "the nest of professional benchwarmers and amateur chuckers who are turning the Philadelphia 76ers into an instrument whose only true function is folly." We begin our coverage with Edward Towne in Cleveland.
Sam Hinkie: (looks down at box score, sees that Sixers shot 35.6 percent from the field) Gee wiz.
Aaron: I think I'm starting to perspire a little.
Hinkie: Don't worry.
Cameraman (aside): Are you seeing this?
Edward Towne: ...coded messages written on discarded paper bags from the NATO cafeteria. At least six cafeteria workers are under investigation. Edward Towne in Cleveland.
Aaron: Double-digit scoring performances came from seven Cavaliers: Thompson, Zeller, Deng, Irving, Bennett, Miles, as well as Dion Waiters.
Associate producer (aside): This is more than John Lucas ever lost.
Aaron: Our own frontcourt was rocked, not only from the 114-85 beatdown, but from the highly unusual persistence of the press rumors. Martin Klein reports on the ruckus at Wells Fargo Center. (Looks over at box score, sees that Michael Carter-Williams had only one assist against seven turnovers.) Just how noticeable is this?
(Hinkie comes running down the stairs with a spare shirt and a fistful of trade offers.)
Aaron: Oh, good, Hinkie. Hurry!
(Lavoy Allen runs off the set, knocking into the backdrop and causing it to swing when the shot cuts back to Aaron. He grabs the backdrop to steady it, but his hand is in the shot.)
Aaron: A bomb exploded on a railway bridge outside of Madras, India, sending a passenger train hurtling more than 200 feet down a mountain slope--
Brett Brown: Lavoy! Your hand's in the shot! Lavoy, your hand's in--your hand! Get your hand out! Lavoy! Your hand!
Tony Wroten (sighing): You know, Hinkie wrote some beautiful stuff.
Aaron: Railway officials in New Delhi said the bomb had been wired under the suspension bridge and had been detonated with a remote control device. A hundred and twenty people were reported injured, at least 22 people dead. I wish I were one of them.