I was a Sixer for 410 days.
I gave everything I had for you, the Sixers fans. I gave it my all, because
if I didn't, I would have been shipped to Delaware faster than you can say Lorenzo you are the best fans in the entire NBA.
I dove for every loose ball. My entire body is covered in bruises from the shoulders of photographers that I've dove headfirst into. And seriously, would it have killed you to move those front row seats on the baseline back a couple of inches? I mean, really, it's not like there's people sitting there.
I shot threes, and made them every so often. I went up for alley-oops, and made them less.
But I tried! I tried so hard! I tried so, so hard! Remember the beginning of the season? I was on fire! We were finally turning the corner!
But you never loved me. You never appreciated me. You never wanted Brandon Davies. For a year, everyone tried to replace me with the new, shiny player. Malcolm Thomas? Drew Gordon? Jarvis Varnado? Please.
Furkan Aldemir? That's not even a real person. Have any of you even seen Furkan Aldemir in person, let alone with a basketball in his hand? You wouldn't know who Furkan Aldemir is if he was standing in front of you. Furkan Aldemir is pure fiction. Brandon Davies is real.
And then, you turn around and trade me for what? A guy who doesn't even want to stop in Philadelphia on a layover, let alone to play a basketball game? A point guard who won't last until 10-day season? And worst of all, a player who, right now, might not even be 13 years old yet. You traded me for a kid who's barely hit puberty. I HAVE HAD SEX AT LEAST ONCE.
So forget you, Philadelphia. I'm done with you. I'm happy to be in a place where I am appreciated, and a coach who recognizes my skills and who I am and what I can bring to the table.
We had some great times, but you won't have Brandon Davies to kick around anymore. My vengeance will be swift and painful, and it starts tonight.
(Obligatory: This was satire. We did not, in fact, contact Brandon Davies for his take, and truthfully, I wish him nothing but the best, because he does try really hard and by all accounts is a very nice guy who would not write such a scathing take. Thanks for the memories, Brandon.)