Pre-Game: Tony Wroten is out of the game with flu-like symptoms. Sickness is never good, but it always feels strange knowing an athlete is spending additional time on the toilet.
7:11 PM: Thaddeus Young hits a three and Malik Rose nearly breaks out into a chorus of "Run, Joey Run." At least it sounded that way.
7:14 PM: Quick start to the game. Timberwolves up 8-7. This is what happens when the league leaders in pace go head-to-head.
7:14 PM: "Spencer Hawes is the 7th best three point shooter in the NBA." This is a thing that's happening.
7:17 PM: Thaddeus Young has his three point shot taken away as the ball was still attached to the finger tips when the shot clock struck zero. Wolves up 15-9.
7:19 PM: Thad comes up with the most awkwardly smooth alley-oop put-in ever by getting his fingertips underneath the ball and somehow directing it in. Even by Thad's standards, that was awkward. And smooth.
7:22 PM: Hollis Thompson misses an easy layup. If that were Brandon Davies, Michael Baumann would draft a 1,000 essay on it that is better than anything I have ever written.
7:23 PM: And Thaddeus corrects the missed three issue! It hit everything, including the middle of the net. He is now in double figures. 11 points on 5-6 shooting.
7:25 PM: Now 13 points on 6-8 shooting for Thad.
7:25 PM: Now defense by Thad on Nikola Pekovic! Not gonna lie, I'm just watching Thad at this point. He is playing 1-on-0 and he is winning the game a bazillion to three.
7:29 PM: After hitting their first four threes, the Timberwolves miss their first three of the game. In other words, the Sixers three point defense has improved greatly.
7:31 PM: Lavoy Allen fouls Kevin Love on a play that was always going to be a fake. Lavoy is becoming the tank's greatest friend.
7:33 PM: Lavoy is now out of the game with three fouls. Once again, it is the first quarter.
7:34 PM: Ricky Rubio misses at the buzzer. Timberwolves lead the Sixers 32-29 at the end of the first quarter. Teams currently on pace to finish the game 128-116. They'll be disappointed with this.
7:37 PM: The Sixers open the quarter with Elliot Williams finding James Anderson for a three point shot. How I love you, 2013-14.
7:41 PM: Brandon Davies misses an uncontested layup. How I love you, 2013-14. Why did the Sixers release Kwame, again?
7:45 PM: Marc and Malik have decided on their phrase of the day: "hockey assist."
Combined stats of #Sixers' backup bigs Brandon Davies, Lavoy Allen and Daniel Orton: 13 minutes, 0-for-3, 0 pts, 3 rebs., 5 fouls. Stay hot.— Christopher A. Vito (@ChrisVito) January 7, 2014
Ineptitude. Beautiful ineptitude.
7:49 PM: Alexey Shved's wide open three caps off an 8-0 Timberwolves run. Wolves up 54-46 with 5:02 left in the second quarter.
7:54 PM: Alexey Shved has eight points thus far tonight. This is what tanking is like.
7:58 PM: Corey Brewer connects with a three. He is 5-5 tonight and 3-3 from beyond the arc. His only misses have been at the line.
8:00 PM: Michael Carter-Williams dunk!
8:02 PM: The T-wolves are 9-13 from beyond the arc thus far. The T-wolves are not known as a 3-point shooting team. The Sixers three point defense is no good very bad.
Halftime thoughts: How bad is the Sixers defense? The Sixers shot 57.5% in the first half AND trail the Timberwolves at halftime 70-54.
8:19 PM: The second half is underway in Philadelphia, and the first two points of the half belong to the Timberwolves. It would have been four, but Corey Brewer missed a dunk. Too much Brandon Davies scouting has that effect on people.
8:21 PM: Kevin Martin three point shot. Wolves start the half 5-2 over the Sixers and the crowd is dead quiet. Now 7-2 in the 3rd quarter.
8:28 PM: The Sixers trail by 24 in the 3rd quarter.
8:32 PM: Down 24, Evan Turner gets a lay-up to give him 13 points on 5-9 shooting thus far. Sixers now down 22.
8:35 PM: Kevin Love drains a three loooooooooool
8:37 PM: Lorenzo Brown is in the game. Lorenzo Brown gets his first touch of the game. It is a shot, and it is a miss.
8:38 PM: The bank is open in a polar vortex! Kevin Love with a three point play the traditional way and the score of the game is more and more Hinkie approved. 101-74.
8:40 PM: The Sixers are awful at defending the three point shot but the Timberwolves are crazy hot from downtown tonight. 13-20 from downtown with 50 seconds left in the 3rd quarter.
8:43 PM: T-wolves lead 105-74 after three quarters. I am on Twitter right now making jokes about how a guy who is listed as 6'4" is a midget. These things may be related.
8:48 PM: Florida State has taken an early 3-0 lead on Auburn. Statistics are off to a great start tonight.
9:01 PM: Currently in the game for the Sixers: Hollis Thompson, Elliot Williams, Brandon Davies, Daniel Orton, and Lorenzo Brown. This is less a basketball line-up and more a cry for help.
FINAL: Timberwolves win 126-95 in a game every bit as dominant as the score indicates. The lack of second half updates here accurately reflects the amount of drama, intrigue, action, and meaningful basketball played in the second half. When Brett Brown is sending out the basketball equivalent of the white flag in the fourth quarter, one tends to relax on the close watching.
Up next for the Sixers is the second half of a back-to-back as they travel to Cleveland tomorrow to take on a Cavaliers side unexpectedly in the middle of this year's epic tank race. This may be a must-lose game, folks.