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76ers' Sunday Morning Shootaround: The Parade Edition

In this edition of the Sunday Morning Shootaround, we prepare for 87ers Day, look back at a wildly successful Beach Bash, and wonder if Evan Turner should invest in someone to handle his public relations.

By Roy Burton

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You have questions? Evan Turner has answers.
You have questions? Evan Turner has answers.
USA TODAY Sports

Confession Sunday: I had no idea that the Sixers even had green uniforms. This probably happened near the end of last season where I may or may not have skipped watching a game or two in order to save myself from the agita that went with watching Damien Wilkins single-handedly prevent us from drafting Victor Oladipo.

By the way, if you want one of these bad boys, you can get it here. But given Sam Hinkie's propensity to move players, you might want to invest in a jersey for a player who figures to be here for the long haul. Someone like... *looks at the roster*... Go Sixers!

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If you were one of the fine folks who made the trip down to Avalon last weekend for the 76ers' annual Beach Bash, just know that no one can ever question your dedication. Even if you were just there to get pictures of the Sixers' Dream Team.

Much like last year, the Beach Bash was attended by a player (Arslan Kazemi) who doesn't even figure to play for the team next season. Remember Moe Harkless' Sixers' career? Neither do I...

Props to rookie Nerlens Noel for bringing his flat-top haircut and Gangnam Style dance moves to Jack's Place, and kudos to Lavoy Allen for taking one for the team - you rarely get to see seasoned veterans at events such as these.

At least Lavoy did it right: As soon as his shift as Jack's Place was done, he immediately went to Haven Nightclub in Atlantic City and got turnt up. And in case you were wondering, the Fireball was flowing like water that night.

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In case you didn't know, this Wednesday (8/7, natch) is officially 87ers Day in the State of Delaware.

Delaware Governor Jack Markell issued an official proclamation declaring it as such, and given the occasion, the Sevens are hosting a number of events that day in order to generate some excitement for their upcoming season:

9:00-9:30 A.M.: WELCOME TO WORK AT WILMINGTON AMTRAK STATION

I can't really rip this much. Members of the Delaware Sevens Street Team (there is such a thing?) will be handing out T-shirts and posters to people arriving at the Wilmington Amtrak station. I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that most people who take Amtrak to Wilmington for work are probably already at their desks by 9:00 a.m., but far be it from me to rip a Sixers-related organization for poor planning and execution. We don't do that sort of thing here at Liberty Ballers.

12:00-12:30 P.M.: PUBLIC PEP RALLY AT RODNEY SQUARE

Plenty of heavy hitters will be on hand (Senator Chris Coons, Wilmington Mayor Dennis P. Williams, 87ers' President Aaron Moszer and Sixers' CEO Scott O'Neil) to officially welcome the Sevens to the state of Delaware. The pep rally will be hosted by none other than Malik Rose, who was forced to do so after losing a game of rock-paper-scissors with Matt Cord graciously accepted the honor of emceeing the event. There will be more T-shirts and posters given out, and face-painters, clowns and even a DJ will be in attendance. Sadly, it will not be DJ Ran from WCW Nitro. This sounds like the busiest 30-minute pep rally in the history of life.

2:00 P.M.: FREE RITA'S WATER ICE FOR FIRST 87 FANS

The Sevens couldn't be bothered with buying out Rita's for 87 minutes and allowing fans to get whatever they want - they're only buying water ice for the first 87 people. Even worse is the fact that you can only order the water ice in one of the team's colors: red (cherry), white (lemon) and blue (blueberry).

Do you want Swedish Fish water ice? Sorry. How about a cotton candy-flavored gelati? Nope... go kick (blue) rocks. It's a damn shame when Bubba [redacted] Watson can walk into a random Chipotle and outdo you with one swipe of his Chase Sapphire card.

2:00-2:15 P.M.: PARADE DOWN MAIN STREET IN NEWARK

So the crown jewel of the day's events is a 15-minute parade. That is, of course, if you consider Malik Rose and Aaron Moszer riding down the street at three miles an hour in a fire truck a "parade."

Let the record show that the "parade" will begin in the same shopping center that houses the aforementioned Rita's Water Ice. So, if you're one of the 87 people standing in line for your free treat, you'll probably miss the whole thing. Then again, the "parade" ends less than a mile away, so it won't be all that hard to catch up.

The Sevens have already Sixer'd their debut, and they're still a couple of months away from their opening game. By the way, if anyone goes to any of these events on Wednesday and sends us pictures, we will love you for life. And even into the afterlife.

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Ask.fm is a site where users answer questions that are submitted by others. Evan Turner started an Ask.fm page two weeks ago. Below are some of the highlights from his page so far, with additional commentary sprinkled in courtesy of the SMS staff:

Question: What are your honest thoughts on Philadelphia's fans?
Answer: Don't have any thoughts on them
Analysis: Way to endear yourself to the people who pay your salary, ET. Andre Iguodala taught you well.

Question: Honestly why don't u think you've played like a #2 pick??
Answer: What does a #2 pick play like? You want me to avg 30 on a team that had had anyone avg more than 17 the past two years?
Analysis: No, we just want you develop a mid-range game. And get to the foul line more. And develop the ability to break your man down off of the dribble. And...

Question: Best rapper of all time?
Answer: Eminem
Analysis: Just in case you forgot that Evan Turner was 24 years old, this is your reminder.

Question: How old were you when you lost your virginity?
Answer: Lol 18
Analysis: Unlike Lou Williams, Evan Turner got laid way before he ever made his first million.

Question: Andrew Bynum is a b****, you agree my man?
Answer: Naw man. Good guy who has bad luck with injuries
Analysis: I don't have much to add here - I just thought the question was hilarious.

Question: Sprinkles or jimmies?
Answer: My gf calls em jimmies
Analysis: Of course she does. Anyone who doesn't is a communist.

Question: When an iso was called for jrue or Lou will why would you always roll your eyes?...I have pretty close seats
Answer: Sitting in the corner isn't fun
Analysis: This is great - this man has no filter WHATSOEVER. I really hope Sam Hinkie is reading this.

Question: Whats the deal with your shot selection?
Answer: It's random cause I don't have any set plays.
Analysis: Wait... Turner didn't have any set plays, and Thaddeus Young clearly didn't have any set plays, so what exactly was Doug Collins doing on the sideline these past few years? I mean, besides sweating through dress shirts?

Question: Have u ever read anything by mike levin on liberty ballers?
Answer: Naw
Analysis: This was an actual question.

Question: Do u wish you were white?
Answer: No
Analysis: Shout out to Riley Cooper for joining us here this evening...

Question: did you know michael carter williams got arrested for shoplifting last year at syracuse? what do you think about that?
Answer: Never heard that story before. People make mistakes, people change, and he won't have to shoplift once he inks his deal. It's all in the past
Analysis: Of course MCW won't HAVE to shoplift once he signs, but Jennifer Capriati still managed to "accidentally" steal a ring back when she was making waves on the tennis circuit. So there's that.

Question: Evan thoughts on the nickname "Evan theheadTurner"? Get it cuz u turn heads? And it utilizes ur last name too Lol
Answer: Lol dope
Analysis: That's the dumbest idea for a nickname ever. And that's saying a lot considering that at one point, people actually wanted to call Mark Sanchez "The Sanchize."

Question: How do you deal with all these rumors about trading you for draft picks and prospects? Do you think the media underestimates your role here in Philly?
Answer: I don't really worry about the trade rumors. And only media outlets I really respect with sources are those written by bob Cooney and dei Lyman because they have bball backgrounds. These other guys write about stuff and don't watch the game
Analysis: I'm not sure if I should be offended by this. I know who should be offended, and that's Dei Lynam. Turner has only taked to her 1,282 times over the past three years, and he still hasn't mastered her name. Never change, ET.

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