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What Can You Do To Ensure The Sixers Land A Top Three Pick?

The Draft Lottery is upcoming and in order for the Sixers to get out of 11 purgatory and into the top 3 of the draft, you must make some sacrifices.

With your help, Adam Aron's dreams of a confetti party can become a reality
With your help, Adam Aron's dreams of a confetti party can become a reality
Gregory Shamus

The NBA Draft Lottery is, miraculously, tonight. With the 11th worst overall record, the Sixers currently have a 2.9% chance of finding their way into a top 3 pick in this year's draft (and a 6% chance of dropping past 11th). That's mostly well and good, until you remember percent means out of a 100 and 2.9% is just slightly less than a 3 out of 100 chance. On the plus side, this is a significantly better chance than winning the Powerball. On the minus side, this does not look good.

But fear not! I have come up with some (possibly) foolproof ways for you, yes You, to help the Sixers increase their chances at landing in the Top 3 in the Draft lottery!

  • Think of your son.
  • Think of Andre Iguodala's son.
  • Write a letter to Adm Aron asking the Sixers to knock the #11 pick out of the pank tonight.
  • Wake up as King Arthur, call on the immortal Merlin, and make magic happen.
  • Repeatedly scream "THE SIXERS WILL GET A TOP THREE PICK" every time you use a stapler at work. Hopefully it's a big stapling day at the office.
  • Fire a confetti cannon with each keystroke.
  • Sever your left pinky toe as a tribute offering to Lucy.
  • Create a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet in honor of the new Sixers General Manager.
  • Wearing a Sixers jersey, slip David Stern a 20 when you bump into him on the street.
  • Draft a 15,000 word essay on the importance of late night text messaging in basketball.
  • Sneak into WIP's studios and burn all tapes of Angelo Cataldi talking about the Dirty Thirty.
  • Douse yourself in lube.
  • Walk around town with a yellow umbrella calling yourself The Top Three Pick.
  • Take a poop. Take another.
  • Re-watch the 1993 NBA Draft Lottery.
  • Pour one out for Shawn Bradley's career.
  • Re-watch the 2010 NBA Draft Lottery because once the Sixers get a top 3 pick what can possibly go wrong?

Please report back any and all findings!

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