You've Got Sixers Email, Vol. 5: Kelvin Sampson and Player Comps

Michael Baumann
For all the crap we went through this season, I sure am glad I didn't have to see the Sixers yak away a critical playoff game by playing Derek Fisher.

Michael Levin
When Derek Fisher plays 26 minutes, we all lose.

Michael Levin
I'm on my way to play basketball in Hollywood. Which Sixer should I model my game after tonight? As Dave and Tanner know, i always go in telling myself not to shoot at all. That ends quickly.

Michael Baumann
I never shot when I played pickup regularly. I always had a good handle, went hard after rebounds and always found the open man. I was kind of like Evan Turner with better court vision. Of course, that was several years and several dozen pounds ago, so right now I'm probably more like a latter-day Corliss Williamson. As long as you can top that, I don't think you'll have a problem.

Justin F.
Seeing as you have the height to pull it off, I would recommend you model your game after Spencer Hawes.

Roy Burton
You seem like a Lou Williams-type of guy, Levin. You want to do the right thing and play the team game, but after that first open look, it all goes downhill.
I've always patterned my game after Reggie Evans: Set screens, grab boards, play tough D. Basically everything that Kwame Brown was supposed to do here.

Rich Hoffmann
I played tonight. Shot the three-ball like George Lynch.

Tanner Steidel
David Lee without a doubt. The True Hoop gang has seen the wrath of D-Leecious.
The couple playing badminton across from us certainly enjoyed it.

Derek Bodner
I always thought I played like a 6'2" version of Matt Harpring. I could occasionally make a shot, but not consistently. Not the greatest athlete and my handles were lolworthy in traffic, but I'd play hard and physical.
Those who can't, write.

Dave Rueter
My heart says Steve Nash. My head says John Crotty.

Sean O'Connor
I came to the realization a while ago that mine resembled a more out-of-shape Spencer Hawes, and I've hated myself ever since. I like to say it's like Brad Miller's, though, because he was actually cool and good.

Michael Baumann
Brad Miller was the absolute tits.

Brandon Lee
I've always thought of myself as the white Ben Wallace.

Michael Levin
Tonight's Verdict: Jerryd Bayless on a bad night. Won 3 of 5 games.

Justin F.
You said former Sixer. Jerryd Bayless is not a former Sixer.
Actually, you just said "Sixer." But still, Jerryd Bayless has no ties with the Sixers.

Michael Levin
HE'S A SIXER IN MY HEART.
Sixers-era Speedy Claxton then.

Dave Rueter
Roy and I only refer to Claxton as Craig. Roy, tell the man.

Roy Burton
I think we can find some middle ground, Dave. On first reference, it must be Craig "Speedy" Claxton (per the rules of the AP stylebook). HOWEVER, any subsequent references can use EITHER Craig or Speedy.

Michael Levin
Well I was playing like Speedy, not Craig. Backboard had no give. All my English just fell by the wayside.

Michael Baumann
The Sixers want to talk to Kelvin Sampson. Can Sampson get them lifted?
And yes, that joke is still funny to me no matter how many times I use it.

Sean O'Connor
It's not surprising given the Houston link, certainly. And I'm a fan of giving Sampson the reins and the same instructions he had in Houston. Not sure if that's a good tanking strategy, but given Houston's track record while Hinkie was there I think tanking is unlikely.

Michael Baumann
This calls for a running feature about Sampson texting various Sixers.

Sean O'Connor
Is it the sequel to Doug giving everyone note cards last year? Because that would be an awesome series.

Dave Reuter
I saw the "Sampson" subject of another email from Mike, and was like, "Ralph is a coach?"

Michael Levin
Ralph's is the name of a grocery store chain on the west coast (maybe just LA?) and I just assume Sampson or Macchio deserve the bulk of the credit.

Justin F.
Is this getting published?

Michael Baumann
Oh, crap, it's already Monday....

Edit: To recap the Liberty Ballers NBA Player comps:

• Michael Levin: Jerryd Bayless
  
• Michael Baumann: Corliss Williamson
• Roy Burton: Reggie Evans
• Rich Hoffmann: George Lynch
• Derek Bodner: Matt Harpring
• Dave Rueter: Jon Crotty
• Sean O'Connor: Brad Miller
• Brandon Lee: Ben Wallace
• Tanner Steidel: David Lee
• Justin F.: A coward who does not compare himself to NBA players.