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76ers Sunday Morning Shootaround: The Bikini Edition

In this edition of the Sunday Morning Shootaround, Lavoy Allen judges a bikini contest, Evan Turner gets a pedicure, and Damien Wilkins deftly handles a case of mistaken identity.

By Roy Burton
Lavoy Allen: Swimsuit Judge
Lavoy Allen: Swimsuit Judge
Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

We typically aren't ones to pat ourselves on the back Barry Horowitz-style here at LB, but it was great to get a shout out from Justin Holiday for our Justin's "Toot It Or Boot It" piece. Sadly, Justin's (ours, not the Sixers') priapism prevented him from penning those words that the elder Holiday enjoyed, but faux Marcus Hayes The Mainstream Media Sports Columnist knocked it out of the box. Seriously though, Justin Holiday GETS IT, and because he does, he'll forever be a favorite around these parts.

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Just as the news of the hiring of new GM Sam Hinkie broke, Spencer Hawes' "Hate hate hate." tweet sparked a mini-firestorm among the Sixers' Twitter community. On the surface, it appeared as if Hawes wasn't in favor of his employer hiring an "analytic" - not surprising given the fact that Spence isn't the most efficient player known to man (#LongTwosForever).

After further review, it seems as if Hawes was merely reacting to the latest developments in the on-again, off-again, on-again Sacramento Kings-to-Seattle saga (this thread on Sactown Royalty has all of the info you need). And despite all of the grief we give him, we know that Hawes is way too smart to get himself caught up in unnecessary Twitter drama. Unlike Kirk Gimenez.

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In this week's edition of "Why The Majority of Vine Videos Are Stupid: Sixers' Edition", Evan Turner gives us on a behind-the-scenes look at him getting his dogs worked on at the nail salon. Nothing for nothing, if your feet are as vital to your livelihood as Evan's are, then it only makes sense to get regular pedicures.

Sadly, this was the most entertaining Vine video that Turner took this past week. There was one of him lying in bed watching the latest episode of "Love and Hip-Hop In Atlanta", but we wanted to save you all the pain of having to see irrelevant, D-level "celebrities" Lil' Scrappy.

Hopefully, the green water that Evan's feet were bathing in contains gamma radiation (ala "The Incredible Hulk") that will somehow improve his jump shot.

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Jrue Holiday one-ups Evan Turner on the stupid Vine front with this video of him drinking orange juice on an airplane staffed by a steward who looks nothing like Mr. Miyagi.

I never thought about it until watching this video, but wearing house shoes/slippers while traveling makes all of the sense in the world. Not only are they remarkably comfortable, but I imagine they significantly cut down on the time it takes to get through security.

Sporting house shoes outside was a legitimate thing after Doughboy (government name: Ice Cube) wore them in "Boyz In The Hood", but everyone soon realized that the weather in Compton, CA is far different than the weather in Brooklyn, NY. And besides not being able to wear slippers in the rain, you can't actually DO anything of value in them: It is physically impossible to run more than 12 steps in slippers without at least one of them falling off. You'd have a better chance of eating a tablespoon of cinnamon without choking.

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This is great for a number of reasons:

1) Damien Wilkins looks NOTHING like Carlos Boozer.
2) He took the picture anyway.
3) We all know that Boozer resembles a grown-up version of Jerryd Bayless, who looks NOTHING like Damien Wilkins.

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In case you were wondering, there are no off days for Lavoy Allen. Mere weeks after learning nothing during his sophomore season, he spent part of his down time judging the North Shore Beach Club bikini team finals.

Allen, along with Matt Kassel and Chris Konopka of the Philadelphia Union, graded the contestants in several categories, including their "swimsuit appearance" as well as the all-important "cocktail dress appearance." A couple of questions:

1) Why does a private pool club need a bikini team? Am I missing something here? Is this just part of the male need to 'Hooterize' everything? Not judging, just curious.
2) How and why was Lavoy Allen selected as a judge? Perception isn't always reality, but he doesn't appear to be the type to pay rapt attention to much of anything.

(BTW, this is by no means my way of campaigning for said judging position. If I told my girlfriend that I was headed out on a Thursday night to judge a bikini competition, my clothes and all of my other worldly possessions would be greeting me on the front lawn when I returned. They may or may not be on fire.)

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