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Nets 104, Sixers 83: If a Turd Falls in the Forest...

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The Sixers played like a whisp of air coming out of your butt. Reggie Evans was the butt.

OK this was actually pretty cool.
OK this was actually pretty cool.
Debby Wong-USA TODAY Sports

Talk about an end-to-end assblasting. My pre-game foretellings failed to come true (DAMN YOU KWAME) and the Sixers got completely digested by the Brooklyn Nets by a score of 104-83. It was never close. It was never interesting. But I've never seen as much Pride in a basketball team in my whole life.

At least Doug Collins finally got the picture and allowed the Tankwagon to drive itself in the 4th quarter. The Graveyard Shift got a lot of run tonight, which served as a reminder of two things:

1. Man, Arnett Moultrie really isn't very good. (but please keep giving him more minutes)

2. Nick Young is still the most fun.

Reggie Evans peed all over the Sixers front line in the first half, asserting his will on the glass and hilariously scoring points because Spencer Hawes and Thaddeus Young gave about as much defensive effort as this nipple hair I just plucked off. Brook Lopez was equally dominant. The two combined for 46 points and 35 rebounds. Spencer and Thad both played hideously.

Jrue wasn't great. Evan was fine. Damien Wilkins didn't conquer the world. The season has five games left and this is what a post-game recap looks like. Depending on the result of the Toronto and Minnesota games, the Sixers could find themselves just 1 or 1.5 games up on the 9th and 10th seeds.

My eyes are twinkling.