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76ers Sunday Morning Shootaround: The Vine Edition

The season may be over, but the Sixers are still finding ways to stay busy. And by "stay busy", we mean "taking pointless videos on Vine and hanging out with former pimps."



What is Kwame Brown thinking about here? Some guesses:

- Whether or not he'll pick up that $3 million player option for 2013-14.
- Wondering if he can extend his DNP-CD streak to 50 games next season.
- Trying to figure out whatever happened to Gervase Peterson from Survivor.
- Contemplating why the lineup for Coachella was so underwhelming this year.
- Deciding whether he can actually take Snoop Lion seriously.
- Boxers, briefs or boxer briefs?
- Pondering exactly how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop.
- Why Lil' Kim chose to have all that plastic surgery when she looked perfectly fine on the cover of her "Hard Core" album.
- Who shot J.R.?



I'm sure there's a point to Vine, but Jrue Holiday has yet to find what that is.

The Sixers' All-Star point guard posted a six-second clip to the video-sharing service of he and his teammates eating on the plane. He then followed that up with a Vine of two people eating at a restaurant, followed by another Vine of he and his teammates doing absolutely nothing... at a restaurant.

Hype Williams and Martin Scorcese he is not, but Jrue's got plenty of time between now and training camp to get his directorial game up. For his first assignment, he can create a Vine of all six seconds that the Milwaukee Bucks will have a lead on the Miami Heat in the playoffs.



Here's a picture of Swaggy P and his friend Big Meat (I'm sure that's not his government name, but whatever) hanging out with the legendary Bishop Don "Magic" Juan.

For the uninitiated, Don "Magic" Juan (government name: Donald Campbell) is a former pimp who decided to turn his life around while smoking PCP nearly three decades ago. Back in 1985, Juan stopped running the streets and actually became an ordained minister, opening the Magic World Christian Kingdom Church in Chicago four years later. You've probably seen Don Juan if you've ever woken up in the middle of the night and turned to HBO looking for an episode of Real Sex and/or Cathouse: He's the central figure in two pimp-centric documentaries: "Pimps Up, Hoes Down" and "American Pimp." He's also been in no fewer than 713 Snoop Dogg videos.

Much like Nick Young, Don Juan is known for flashy outfits that only he is bold enough to wear in public. I can't confirm it, but I'm pretty sure that both men have worn snakeskin at some point. So aside from the prostitution and affinity for angel dust, Swaggy P IS Don "Magic" Juan: Expect Nick Young to be a candidate for the papacy in 2034.



So Dorell Wright is doing the Vine thing, too? Great...

But let's not bury the lede: Please note that "No New Friends" has officially joined "YOLO" and "Started From The Bottom, Now We're Here" as "Memes That Drake (AKA The Dude Who Used To Be Wheelchair Jimmy On Degrassi) Has Started That Have Spread Like Wildfire."

"No New Friends" has been out for less than a week, yet it's already destined to be the anthem for 73.2 percent of all bachelor/bachelorette parties, inter-scholastic championship celebrations, bar/bat mitzvahs, and high school graduations held for the rest of the calendar year. A similar thing happened with the first single off of Drake's upcoming album: Teenagers enrolled in private schools who live in the suburbs and get to drive around in their mom's 2007 Honda Civic are now claiming that they somehow "started from the bottom."

I'll say this: Drake may be a simp, but damned if the man can't come up with some catchy phrases...



On the day Mike Levin won the Internet with his fantastic piece on the state of the Sixers, here comes Damien Wilkins to throw cold water on the party.

And while Levin doesn't need me (or anyone else) to defend him, I will: A picture of Damien Wilkins shooting jumpers in the Bankers Life Fieldhouse is UNINTERESTING. A picture of Damien Wilkins shooting jumpers at Madison Square Garden is UNINTERESTING. Any picture of Damien Wilkins doing anything other than shooting jumpers on the moon would be - say it with me - UNINTERESTING (the moon thing would be cool because of the whole gravity thing...).

There was no ill will directed towards Wilkins himself: It was more of a shot at the fugaziness of the @Sixers Twitter account. Nevertheless, another user comes in and capes up for Wilkins, and Dominique's nephew responds in kind.

Listen, Damien: We know you get it. That doesn't mean that pictures of you shooting jump shots aren't boring. Besides... your effort this year may have single-handedly cost us a chance at Victor Oladipo, and for that, we will never forgive you. Or, at least, I won't.

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