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Sixers Nightmare Season is Over, Will Have 11th or 12th Spot in Lottery

There's a lot of ways this could have gone, but really only one way it had to go. The Sixers Way.

Sure NOW you relax.
Sure NOW you relax.
USA TODAY Sports

It's over. It's finally, officially, seriously, over. The Sixers have had the worst season from top to bottom in recent basketball memory, not just from a record standpoint, but from a purer sense of just how everything can go wrong. Murphy was an asshole who had no idea what he was talking about when he came up with his Law. Or something. Anyway it's over. You don't have to think about it again.

Because the lame duck Sixers decided to beat the neutered Pacers, they finished with a 34-48 record, just 4 games out of the 8th seeded Milwaukee Bucks, who not so much limped into the playoffs as they're just a disembodied hand flopping on the ground and the playoffs happened to be a patch of grass that it landed on nearby.

The Sixers polished off this crusty turd of a season with a 10-8 stretch. Meaning they'll pick either 11th or 12th in the NBA Draft, instead of 7th or 8th, had they been better at tanking than their craftier peers. Portland lost 14 games in a row to get all the way down to the 10th pick. Will that have a long-term effect on Damian Lillard's very promising NBA career? No, because these games were worthless and now they'll get a higher chance of selecting the guy they want in June. Is finishing 10-8 then starting next season with a new coach and mostly new players going to help the Sixers build momentum into next season? No. All it does is give them a shittier draft pick. Congratulations to the mouth breathers who still wanted the Sixers to win games at the end. I have no tolerance for you.

ANYWAY. Here are some Draft Lottery odds for our hapless Sixers.

I'm not quite sure why the Sixers and Raptors (both 34-48) have different chances at the Top 3. Not sure if it matters, but the Sixers won the season series.

The Lottery comes to your bowels on May 21st. The coin flip will happen sometime Thursday and will probably not be televised, thus allowing me to call SHENANIGANS! no matter the outcome. If the Raptors land in the Top 3, they get to keep the pick. Otherwise it goes to a team who could really use another cheap young lottery pick, the Oklahoma City Thunder. Right. Shenanigans.

So the Sixers will pick 11th or 12th. Not a gigantic difference between the two, obviously, but every spot counts when you're talking to teams about trading the pick. And last year, Andre Drummond went 9th, one pick before the Hornets would have picked him. Instead, New Orleans went home with Austin Rivers and probably got some diseases. One pick matters.

The offseason is here for us. That means the Lottery, the Draft, finding a new coach, potentially finding a new GM, and watching this team disintegrate -- and that's all while the NBA playoffs are going on, which rocks pretty hard. We've got an exciting offseason planned for you (Sean O'Connor joining the LB staff!), and I'm ready to get started.

And pour one out for our passionate friends in Sacramento, who are fighting their asses off to keep the Kings there. Sixers fans are not one-tenth as passionate as these guys and that's a real shame.

Lots to talk about around these parts, so sober up and get to it.