Hawks Obliterate Dying Sixers, 124-101

"Hey Jonny, are you aware that Tanner is watching a Sixers/Hawks game that is of the utmost pointlessness for his favorite team?"

"Shhhhhhhhhh! I told him that we were having cake night. I convinced him that if he watched whatever I put on TV, I'd give him all the sweets he'd like. There was even talk of creme brulee."

There's aren't a ton of reasons to sit down on the couch and tune in to the Sixers for roughly 2.5 hours. Shit, I can't even come up with four. I know sadism is one of them, though. If you did somehow come up with an excuse to watch the Sixers take on the Hawks on this crazy, reminding me of "Twister" stormy evening, you more than likely need some help. Dave specializes in curing this sort of condition with stories about Niagara intramural basketball. It's no place for hand-checking.

If the first quarter didn't spell out "2012-2013 Philadelphia 76ers", then I will never know something that will. One of the Comcast Keys to the Game was future Sixers draft pick, Pride. Shortly following Malik explaining why "Pride" is key to beating the Hawks, Molly Sullivan had an aside story about Damien Wilkens and his crafty ability to be a veteran. All I could do was smile and remember the fun we've had all season with this bunch of rag-tag folk. I'm feeling an uplifting Disney movie in about 15 years. Lil Bow Wow gets back into the basketball movie biz (<3 Like Mike) to play Jrue Holiday. A man can dream.

Both the Hawks and Sixers looked relatively uninterested in playing any sort of defense in the first half. Yes both teams were shooting under 30% halfway through the first quarter but it was because a lot of outside shots were taken. Shortly after, Thaddeus Young went off, single-handedly keeping the Sixers in contention with 22 first-half awkwardly smooth points on 16 shots. As efficient and great as Thad was in the half, little Jrue was equally as bad shooting the ball, ending with 1-9 line. Josh "Max Him Out Now" Smith lead the way for the Hawks in the first half 17 points on 12 shots, abusing the Sixers frontcourt in the process.

Side note: that commercial with the hipster dude picking out which teams he wants to see live, let's address it. He chooses the Hawks. Why? Just why? With so many interesting teams in the NBA, who thought it'd be a good idea to make the Hawks his choice? That's almost as bad as selecting the Sixers.

(Just remembered I, along with some of you lads, attended a Sixers/Hawks game in December. Ugh we're so dumb and sad)

Anyway, despite what some of our memories wish to accept, the second half happened. Carrying over from the first half, Thad hit the first two buckets of the half including a horrifically beautiful banked jumper from the top of the key, followed by a wonderfully corny bank/Wells Fargo Center pun from Malik. Those two buckets from Thad were the lone 2 until the 6 minute-mark of the quarter when Jrue spun his way to the rim for two. That field goal was the first from a Sixer not named Thaddeus Young in approximately 10 minutes of game time. Sixers.

While the Sixers were sitting around picking dandelions, the Hawks cruised to an 18-6 run that put them up 20 with just 18 minutes to go. They were out and running off Sixer misses and were getting to the rim with ease (nothing different from the first half). With the defensive effort put forth by the Sixers, the Hawks were able to end the third quarter with 93 points (a 20 point lead). Over city for you gamblers.

The fourth quarter was just getting the inevitable done with. Jrue and Evan Turner weren't great, good, or decent. They were flat out bad. Thad had some excellent offensive numbers but struggled mightily defensively and didn't even go on a flirtacious date with the free throw line. He actually ducked in a doorway when he saw her coming down the hallway.

The icing on the cake was an Ivan Johnson offensive rebound over Lavoy Allen and Arnett Moultrie off a missed Kyle Korver three-pointer. Johnson ripped the ball away from both Sixers and got an easy put-back dunk, showing off how soft the Sixer frontcourt truly is.

Hey, at least Dana Barros got a mention from Marc Zumoff.

• Nick Young, to my delight, was sporting a pair of green Jordan IIs. Keep on with the kick-game Swaggy. It's the only thing I enjoy about these games.
• There was some tool sitting courtside wearing sunglasses. Probably said "bro" at least 78 times during the course of the game.
• Damien Wilkens 4 years, 20 million watch: The most veteran of veterans was 0-7 from the field but did get to the line for 6 free throws. I think that earns him another year and a half of a million more per.
• Arnett Moultrie played more than 20 minutes. He wasn't particularly good, but he was in. So that's something.
• 2 straight losses by 20+ points. Lucy is giving it everything she's got. She's playing with Pride.
• 4 games left. 4 games left. 4 games left. 4 games left.