Sixers 2013: The Last Five Games

Chances are, we've all played enough sports video games in our time to where we've become experts at the Simulate Season button. In College Hoops 2k8, I would simulate to get to the offseason and recruit the guys I wanted, while my Purdue team aged gracefully and Gordon Watt graduated. I had limited interest in the season until my boys were ready to contend. The Simulate Season button was my MVP.

With the real-life Sixers, we have no simulation button that I know of (please let me know if I'm missing something though), so time must pass as Death March-y as time does before the season can end. The Sixers have been out of it for months, and, being on the precipice of an offseason that will change the course of Sixers history one way or the other (my money is on The Other), it's felt like forever.

Alas, five games remain. The Sixers are 31-46. They will likely have the 11th pick in the draft, unless Toronto (1.5 games back) or Minnesota (2 games back) wins a bunch of their last games, which, going by their schedules, doesn't seem likely.

So what do we want out of these last five games? Aside from LOSSES, just to be safe, though I don't think we're getting out of that 11 spot.

- Jrue Holiday needs to not play a ton of minutes. As I've said, Collins has overplayed and overworked Jrue all (pointless) season long. His body is worn down and if Doug runs him out there for 35-40 minutes a night, he's needlessly risking injury to the team's franchise point guard signed to a fair deal. I will cut a bitch.

- Arnett Moultrie. I don't like him. I don't think he's good. I don't think he's going to be good. But you assholes spent a first-round pick on him, so play his ass. There are 5 games left and you are not making the playoffs. He should be getting 30 minutes a game. This has been, and continues to be, inexcusable.

- One Jrue to Justin Holiday alley-oop. Just one. Followed by them smiling and hugging and calling their parents on the court. Please.

- Charles Jenkins to come out in a Shelvin Mack jersey.

- Lavoy Allen to try some post moves. He's fallen so far out of favor here. Remember when EVERYONE thought he was better than Nikola Vucevic? Lavoy takes more shots from outside of 10 feet than he does inside it. And for a dude as strong as he is, that's ridiculous. Try to bang inside some. I want to see if you can be a serviceable 15mpg guy.

- Thaddeus Young to shoot three-pointers. He is 2-12 from beyond the last two years. Just take some three's, Thad. See what happens.

- Another ridiculous Nick Young shot. Gimme one more. I'm an addict.

77 down. 5 to go. What do you want from the last five?