OK, maybe not of all time, but certainly of all NBA franchises I blog about. The Sixers disconnect of what they think is cool and fun to what is actually cool and fun has been WELL. DOCUMENTED. HERE. But on Twitter, where you can hire any reasonably competent and/or slightly funny person to tweet cool things, the Sixers have wasted the easiest opportunity at being conceived as remotely cool or fun or aware of how to use Twitter or social media or the internet or electricity.
Now, I don't blame the fellow who runs the @Sixers account. He gets his instructions and, for a big company, has to abide by what he's allowed to do and what he's not. I can appreciate that. (even though on a Sixers.com chat from last night's Bucks game, he said this about re-signing Damien Wilkins: "Can't put a price on veteraness." That's cause for castration around these parts.) What I can't appreciate is why said company would want their Twitter account to be so painfully boring that I, a Sixers blogger, have unfollowed them out of boredom on more than one occasion.
An NBA franchise should have cool behind-the-scenes stuff. Fun pictures. New nuggets of information that they have access to because they are the team. But no. We don't get any of that from the Sixers.
Fine, specifics. I'll pick some examples and yell about them. Lacking self-awareness is our motif of the day.
Useless In-Game Updates When They're Getting Crushed
Jazz close first half on a 13-0 run as they lead #Sixers 58-42. Sixers have hit a perfect 9-9 FT tonight. on.nba.com/11F127Q— Philadelphia 76ers (@Sixers) March 26, 2013
Yeah, the Sixers are down 13, but hey look at those foul shots! 9-9 sure is shiny, isn't it? At least we put a hashtag for #Sixers there for you, in case you wanted to search for tweets about the Sixers to see what the score is at halftime.
Also, and this is important, YOU DON'T NEED TO TWEET SCORE UPDATES. People are either watching the game or they don't care unless something cool happens. They're not on Twitter anxiously awaiting the 2nd quarter TV timeout so the Sixers twitter account can tell them what the score is. Sure, once in a while, a score update is fine with an observation or two. But the Sixers account gives you no observation. Only useless, rye bread facts for people who know how to use Twitter but not the rest of the internet.
Pointless iPhone Pictures of the Sixers Warming Up
.@spencerhawes00 lets them fly as he warms up in Sactown - twitter.com/Sixers/status/…— Philadelphia 76ers (@Sixers) March 24, 2013
OH. EFFING. BOY. THANKS FOR THIS TWEET, @SIXERS. THANK YOU SO DAMN MUCH.
God-Awful Promotions With Ridiculously Uninventive Hashtags
Who wants to #GETANSWERED?— Philadelphia 76ers (@Sixers) March 26, 2013
This category also includes tweeting these promotions or contests like 45 times in a row. Also retweeting Adam Aron, who should've been sentenced to permanent Twitter Jail after his #MEETandGREET promo had me looking for ways to saw my computer in two.
Oh, the first person to send this to you at this time gets free tickets? What about the tickets selling for four pennies on the internet that don't require humans to subject themselves to a Hashtag Hernia? What about the season ticket holders who are paying lots of money while the empty seats next to them are being given away for free? #GETANSWERED, though.
Retweeting Other Horrible Accounts Mentioning the Sixers
We are here to bring the BOOM to the @sixers' hardwood! Learn more & watch us here: on.nba.com/10kOqCe twitter.com/SixersDrumstix…— Sixers Drumstix (@SixersDrumstix) March 7, 2013
First of all, read. Second, there are two redeeming qualities this has going for it -- the 'Stix account has only 15 followers and this is still its only tweet. That's fantastic.
It'll also retweet radio stations they're playing on multiple times a game, which is insightful as all hell, I can't even handle it.
Getting Embarrassingly Excited With Lameness and Ruining an Actually Cool Play
SOARING MOULTRIE PUT-BACK SLAM! @amoultrie w/ 8 pts on 4/4 shooting & 3 reb. #Sixers 64, Celtics 73 w/ 3:02 in Q3. on.nba.com/WHM7CK— Philadelphia 76ers (@Sixers) March 6, 2013
Usually it's a "JRUEEEEEE!" or something equally skim milk when something legitimately cool happens. All it would take is a tweet like "Arnett Moultrie just ruined someone's day" or "Somebody needs to check if Jrue's hand is on fire because he is lighting it up." JUST GIVE ME SOME CREATIVITY OR SOMETHING, IT IS NOT HARD.
Good work, @Sixers. You're just as hideous as the Sixers. And I hate you with a thousand fires.