clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

As Told Through Haikus: Jazz 107, Sixers 91

The Sixers lost. It was beautiful. The Sixers played a game I would cringe at if I were rooting for wins. It was ugly. This is the game as told through haikus.

Jazz Bear is the name.  This is a real life mascot.  Phil E. Moose gone wrong.
Jazz Bear is the name. This is a real life mascot. Phil E. Moose gone wrong.
Russ Isabella-USA TODAY Sports

The Philadelphia 76ers played the Jazz and it was as awful a basketball game as one would might expect. The Jazz won, which was great for the Sixers tanking hopes, but the mental damage done from watching is irreplaceable.* It was not a pretty game, it was not a fun game, it was hardly a dramatic game, just one team superior team dominating an inferior team.

*Some may note that recent wins this season have caused similar reactions. You're catching on.

I could rehash the events of this game for you, and I did give some stats in the immediate reaction thread, but the overarching theme of the recap is going to be the same as other Sixers losses recently. Yay Sixers loss! Yay tanking! Boo further loss of mental stability! So instead of giving you details you want not to know, I am going to talk about the game and the Sixers through haikus. It is believed that haikus have the capability of reaching deep into our souls and getting us to expose our deepest thoughts and desires in meter so beautiful even the most hardened of soul allows a single tear to roll down their cheek upon laying eyes on such beautiful art.*

*Some guy on a haiku fan site wrote this. They're never wrong.

So therefore, without further ado, I present to you, Sixers-Jazz in haikus.

The Jazz began with
A twelve-two run and never
Relinquished the lead

The starters were soon
Benched for Pargo, Ivey, Wright,
Lavoy and Moultrie

The Sixers made a
Second quarter run that would
Cut the lead to two

But the Jazz held on
And the Sixers never led
At all in the game.

Did you see Wilkins?
Turn the ball over? And the
Jazz dunk the other way?

Seven Jazz players
Recorded ten or more points
Insert Hawes joke here

Damien Wilkins
Consistently gets minutes;
Doug's secret tank move

Randy Foye played for
Villanova in oh-five.
Where's Rodney Rogers?

Oh Derrick Favors.
Your non-selection's discussed
By sad Sixers fans.

Tanking! Tanking! What
Is it good for? Getting a
Much better draft pick!

Al Jefferson could
Be a Sixer some time soon.

The hope of Bynum
Has gone bad quicker than a
Spencer Hawes jump shot

Her name is Lucy.
She's a tanking octopus.
How I love Lucy.

Spencer Hawes.
Your basketball talents are equivalent
To the haiku writing talents demonstrated here.

Watch too much Sixers and you descend into the madness that is telling the story of a basketball game and team through 14 haikus. The next opportunity one of the esteemed LB writers will have a chance to to like their life just a little bit less will occur on Wednesday when the Sixers' tank train heads to Milwaukee to play the Bucks hopefully give the Bucks a win. Bring your Monta Ellis Mediocracy Forever posters with you as you watch, it's gonna be a doozie Wednesday night.

For more on this game, please visit SLC Dunk.

Sign up for the newsletter Sign up for the Liberty Ballers Daily Roundup newsletter!

A daily roundup of Philadelphia 76ers news from Liberty Ballers