clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

The Sixers Season is Over and Here's How We Know

New, comments

I'm all out of faith; this is how I feel. I'm cold and I am shamed - lying naked on the floor.

Stop, drop, and wait for Toronto to pass you in the standings.
Stop, drop, and wait for Toronto to pass you in the standings.
Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

Doug Collins' little outburst last night was the cherry on top of a turd sundae that we've been picking at for months now. But there is no cookie dough on the bottom of this sundae. Just more turds. Mathematically, the Sixers are still alive, sure. But so are the 2013 Astros, who could take 3 of 4 from the Sixers right now at any sport.

The season is over.

Bynum, no Bynum. Kwam Kwam. No Kwam Kwam. It doesn't matter anymore. The 2012-2013 campaign ended with a loss to Orlando. A resounding thud. The Sixers won't back into the postseason this year. Andre Miller and Joe Smith aren't walking through that door. They won't be riding a wave of torn ACLs deep into the second round. And while the Magic game earned my official and unconditional surrender, the warning signs were there long before.

So let's take a look back by consulting another one of my favorite gimmicks: How did we know the season was over?

The Top 10

10) You know your season is over when Royal Ivey is playing on the final possession. Whennnnnnnn the team still has a chance to win.

9) You know your season is over when the fans are reduced to arguing about a center from the Orlando Magic in mid-January.

Why the hell is Stanley Roberts so polarizing?

8) You know your season is over when the Sixers don't attempt a free throw until the third quarter and you're like, "Well, could've been worse."

7) You know your season is over when recaps include the phrase, "The Sixers were led in scoring by Damien Wilkins."

6) You know your season is over when the highlight of your best player's year involves lubricant. Oh, and a knee cap. Nothing sexual. It was platonic lubricant. Just a man and his knee cap.

5) You know your season is over when - hold on - just waiting for Evan Turner to finish his iso.

...

...

...

4) You know your season is over when you start researching Michael Curry's coaching record.

4A) You know your season is over when you start talking yourself into Michael Curry.

3.5) You know your season is over when even RickoT thinks the season is over.

3) You know your season is over when a home loss to the Magic garners over 500 comments in the post-game threads.

2) You know your season is over when you have to apologize to other NBA fans when the Sixers are on national television. Tonight against the Bulls -- we're already so sorry.

1) You know your season is over when this Sixers blog is transitioning to a Game of Thrones site. It's name? Valar Bloghulis. Our sigil is that of Jaqen H'ghar's red and white hair. "If the day comes when you must find me again, just give that coin to any man from Braavos and say these words to him: Valar Bloghulis." We're taking this very seriously.

Just edged "My So-Khalled Blog" and "Throne Improvement" by a nose. Start memorizing your house words, kids.

[ed. note: #1 was co-written by Dave's wife and Mike, because Dave doesn't watch Game of Thrones.]