NBA Trade Deadline: Do Something, Sixers

The NBA Trade Deadline brings out the worst in us all. Hours and hours wasted on the Trade Machine, constantly refreshing Twitter while neglecting your work or spouse or urinal tract, and irrational behavior stemming from built-up expectations. Rumors come and go and when it's over, much like the jolting stop of an almost-broken roller coaster at Dorney Park, you go: "That's it?" and probably forget your wallet or something.

So it is with the Sixers and, more specifically, us Sixers fans. Something has to happen. Anything has to happen. After another embarrassing performance (it turned out to be a close loss to the Wolves but it was still embarrassing) that leaves the Sixers 8 games under .500 for the first time since January 20th, 2011, something needs to happen.

Why? Because as much as we try to dress ourselves up in our stats and our Synergy and our poop jokes, we're all stupid fans rooting for a stupid basketball team for no logical reason. And I will officially be pissed with the rest of the ignorant masses if they don't make some sort of move.

I don't particularly love Phish, but a song that I happened to be listening to today, "Character Zero", kind of perfectly illustrates the fan dilemma around the trade deadline.

I was taught a month ago
To bide my time and take it slow
But then I learned just yesterday
To rush and never waste the day
Well I'm convinced the whole day long
That all I learn is always wrong
And things are true that I forget
But no one taught that to me yet

So yeah. Even though standing pat may be the best option, and 62% of you think the Sixers will do just that, I don't care. Any fatuous trade will likely result in me regretting the holy hell out of this, but at this point I do not care. Future Mike and Future Liberty Ballers will worry about that. Now? Roll some dice, I'm ready to get wild. And I'm embracing the flaws of this plan.

Trade Evan Turner. Trade Spencer Hawes for the love of God. Trade Arnett Moultrie even. Hell, trade Andrew Bynum if you can get something for him and are just going to let him walk anyway. I don't know. That's your job.

Just do something. I'm tired of waiting for Bynum to get back. I'm tired of the updates. Tell me something that has happened. Tell me this guy is playing somewhere else now and we just brought this other guy in. Look at the Rockets. LOOK AT THEM. They are beautiful. Trading a role player and two contracts to a team trying to get rid of salary. That salary just happened to be underperforming, underutilized top-5 pick, Thomas Robinson.

Good teams with smart GMs like Daryl Morey swindle bad teams like the Kings on trades like that. The Sixers need one of those. I'd even take a Sam Young deal at this point. There are so many things going wrong that I just want... SOMETHING RESEMBLING ANYTHING... to take my mind off the crushing reality of the state of this team. Make it happen, Front Office.

DISCLAIMER: Blog cannot be held liable for any asinine trade the Sixers make. We are insured up the ass.