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Kings Of Kings: Sixers 89, Kings 80

Behind solid performances from Thaddeus Young and Nick Young, the Philadelphia 76ers overcame the Sacramento Kings. But you are more interested in reading about the awards that were handed out after the game.

Performance With The Most Swag
Performance With The Most Swag
Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

Well that was one to forget, wasn't it?

The Sixers somehow beat the Kings 89-80. This somehow felt like it should have been a blowout and a Sixers loss all at the same time. The Sixers led early, trailed in the 4th, and then pulled away late. The second half saw the Sixers score 35 total points. Against the league's worst defense. The first half was better, so let's talk about that.

Behind a hot Jrue Holiday who was 6-7 with 13 points in the first half, the Sixers jumped out to a big halftime lead. The Sixers led by as much as 8 in the first quarter, expanded that to as much as 19 in the second, and eventually settled on a 54-39 lead at the break. Jrue would have his struggles later in the game, but to start his numbers were efficient even if his shot selection was not great and he did not get to the line until the 4th quarter.

The third quarter saw the Kings climb back into the game thanks to an array of fast breaks and bad plays (many of which were from Spencer Hawes). Tyreke Evans completely went off on the Sixers, compiling 13 of his 29 total points in the game.

Despite the Kings taking a lead early in the 4th quarter, the Sixers would pull away because as bad as the Sixers are without Bynum, the Kings are somehow worse at basketball. The Sixers scored 17 points in the 4th quarter. The Sixers outscored by the Kings by 5 points in the 4th quarter. Both of those statements are true.

The two standouts for the Sixers tonight were the Young guys. Nick Young gave us Good Swaggy today, compiling 20 points on 6-12 shooting, including a much needed 7-7 from the charity stripe. If only other Sixers got to the line like that. Thaddeus Young managed a team high 23 points in addition to an impressive 15 boards.

Because this is a game we'd all be better off forgetting, I will be handing out awards, which Sixers players will be graciously accepting.

We will start with The Doug Collins Lennay Kekua Memorial Award

And the winners are: Arnold Moultrie, Damien Wilkins Shelvin Mack, and Kwame Brown! Come on up, gentlemen.

Moultrie: My name is Arnett.

Oh. My apologies. Aaron Moultrie!

Moultrie: I said my name is Arnett. A-R-N-E-T-T. Arnett Moultrie.

Apologies again. Remembering your name is difficult because I do not recognize it because you never ever play. Are you a Sixer? You are a Sixer, right? Oh gosh please tell me you are a Sixer! PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE NOT A MEMBER OF THE FORTH COMING ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY, PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE A SIXER, ARTHUR!

Moultrie: Dead.

OK, moving on! It is your turn to speak, Damien.

Wilkins: Everybody repeat after me. "LET'S GO SON-ICS! CLAP-CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! LET'S GO SON-ICS! CLAP-CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! THE SEATTLE SUPERSONICS ARE COMING BACK ATCHA!! LICK ON THAT, SAC-TOWN!" You all understand what I did there with that last sentence, right?

Damien, that was very disrespectful. The people of Sacramento are a hard-working people who have gone to incredible lengths to support their team with owners who have found new and creative ways to painfully drive objects up their rear ends. Besides, haven't you played for both the SuperSonics and the Thunder? You saw what that city went through. Wouldn't mocking Sacramento be hypocritical on your part?

Anyway, let's move on. Shelvin Mack, take the stand!

Mack: At least Arnett knows who he is. I don't even know who I am anymore. Or who I play for. Or why I'm here. Is that guacamole I smell?

Perhaps, but for some reason Kwame Brown is next to you with a sly smirk on his face.

Speaking of which, it is your turn to speak, Kwame.

Kwame: What a strange coincidence! David Stern presented me with a similarly titled award last night honoring my career!

Well done, Kwame. Well done.

One more time, let's hear it for Kwame Brown, Shelvin Mack, and Arnett Moultrie. Your Doug Collins Lennay Kekua Memorial Award winners this evening!

Our next award is for Most Spencer Hawes Performance Of The Evening. And the winner of this award, with 10 points on 4-13 shooting, 1 rebound, 1 assist, and a large amount of 20-foot jump shots, it's Spencer Hawes!

(Spencer Hawes, wearing a red, white, and blue head band and a U.S.A. t-shirt, approaches the stage on a segway. Not watching where he is going, Spencer Hawes crashes into the stairs leading up to the stage, sending his body tumbling forward onto the stage.)

Hawes: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you very much! Please stand, my fellow Americans, as I salute the greatest country in the world.

(Spencer Hawes belts out "God Bless America")

Hawes: It is an honor to win this award. Many great Americans have been given awards, from Woodrow Wilson to Ronald Reagan, and it is an honor to have something in common with these noble men. I can't help but feel that an angel gets its wings every time I attempt a three-point shot. Having not learned their lesson, defenses keep giving me three point shots and long twos, and I will take those open looks every time. Sometimes it does not work out, but if you keep plugging and keep shooting, eventually your shot is going to fall. The long two and three is my shot, and with God as my witness, I am going to keep shooting it until I achieve the All-Star recognition I truly deserve. Thank you again, and God Bless you all! Oh, one last thing, Barack Obama was born in Malaysia with the birth name Barry Soetoro. Spencer out.

There was one final award I wanted to give tonight, the award for Performance With The Most Swag, but it appears Nick Young has stolen my card with the award's recipient and is currently transforming it into confetti to throw on himself in celebration.

That concludes tonight's awards show. For a Sacramento perspective of this game, please check out our good friends at Sactown Royalty.

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