Josh Smith Rumor: Sixers Probably Won't Trade Turner and Hawes to Hawks, Duh.

There's not much to a trade rumor, usually. Insubstantial rumors near the deadline get thrown around more than Juventud Guerrera in a Royal Rumble, so there's only so much mind we can pay them lest we drive ourselves crazier than notorious competitive eater, Crazy Legs Conti. I don't know why I'm all about the non-sequiturs, but it could be a result of this Josh Smith trade rumor.

Chad Ford had the babiest of lines in a potential trades post from the other day.

Look for the 76ers, who have been dangling both Spencer Hawes and Evan Turner to other teams, to be a potential landing place [for Josh Smith].

Of course they're dangling Hawes and Turner. Hawes and Turner aren't very good players with very polarized opinions of them around the league. If some dumb GM loves either guy enough to take him, the Sixers will try to pull something off. There's something to be said for waiting until Andrew Bynum gets back, but seeing as that may never happen, trading Turner for value now could be the right call.

Trading Hawes is always the right call.

Right, Josh Smith.

I don't want him for a number of reasons.

1. He is asking for a max contract. Giving him a max contract would guarantee us becoming the Atlanta Hawks. I do not want to be the Atlanta Hawks. Ever.
2. Signing him means Bynum doesn't come back. I don't think Bynum's coming back anyway (nsiugbeffnksjdfng) but losing Bynum and maxing Smith would just be the worst situation possible. There's virtually no way they keep both.
3. A three-years-younger Thaddeus Young is already locked up to a very reasonable contract and he does most of the things Smoove does, minus the shot-blocking and super thunderous dunking. He does it much, much more efficiently, too.
4. Josh Smith would be perfect in Doug Collins' dumb-as-rocks offense. Dude takes about 5 shots per game from 10-23 feet and he makes just about one out of four. Keep shooting them, Josh. This would kill me.
5. There is nothing worse than a pretty good player who thinks he is much, much better than he is and plays like it. (see Jennings, Brandon; Williams, Lou; Turner, Evan; Davis, Ricky) He's a good player, but he's only the best player on decent teams. I don't care about decent.

Our boy Jmitch claims the Sixers even rejected the idea of an expiring Josh Smith for Hawes and Turner. Hopefully they did it for the same reasons I listed, not because they think Hawes and Turner are too valuable. The Hawks are all: "HAHA OK DON'T BE INTERESTED WE'RE JUST PLAYING POOL WITH ZAZA PACHULIA."

We'll see if this is the last we hear of a Josh Smith rumor. Considering we've heard it since 2008, I'm confident something will pop up.

Speaking of popping up, Lou Amundsen! He exists, and he's very upset he wasn't featured in Dave's Sixers Summer Camp post. As revenge, he's got the Sixers on the shortlist of potential destinations for him. The fact that Lou Freaking Amundsen has a list of teams interested in him is the most Veteranness thing I've ever heard. That the Sixers are one of those teams is the most Sixersy thing I've ever heard. The Knicks and Lakers are also hilariously present.

Signing Amundsen and playing him over Arnett Moultrie, which they would surely do, is about as smart as that show Smart Guy, only with less Tahj Mowry and way too much Omar Gooding. Not very smart at all. Moultrie has looked shockingly okay of late, so it's probably time to bench his ass and forget how to spell his name.

Though one LB writer has an Amundsen-related weiner story that he'd share if the Sixers were to sign him. To be clear, this isn't about Lou's weiner. Just a part he played in another weiner. Now you know.