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How The Sixers Can Beat the Miami Heat, Seriously

Pulling off the not technically impossible!

Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

In a season where expectations are possibly the lowest in NBA History, the Sixers roster will still find a way to secure a win or ten or even more. But few expect them to win their opener, despite playing at home against a team traveling 2+ hours in flight on a back-to-back. Of course, when they are playing the team that's the overwhelming favorite for a third consecutive championship who destroyed another contender in their opening game, the low expectations drop even lower.

But never fear! Because I am here to give you some solid reasoning and logic and hope that the Sixers can pull of a miracle and BEAT THE... nope, I'm not going to get hyped up over this. But I will give you reasons. Some. Maybe.

1. The Heat might rest their stars, playing against a bad team early in the season that the bench should be able to put away but maybe not?

While this is unlikely, sitting at least one of the Big 3 on back-to-backs during the season makes sense when considering the extra workload taken on during the playoffs. Sure, we'd only have a chance if LeBron were the one to sit out, but hey, it's not impossible, right?

2. Evan Turner is the hero we need and deserve.

Despite some people believing in him again, I'm of the opinion that without an ego change Turner is doomed for a failed NBA career. I'm fairly sure where the renewed hope is sourced from (the Fountain of Hinkie) but Turner seems as non-Hinkie of a player as there is. He's inefficient, largely process-negative, and has a view of himself of being a much better player than he really is.

Though if you told me that Evan Turner would be the go-to guy on the Sixers when we drafted him less than 4 years ago, I would be thrilled. So, I guess it's not impossible.

3. Nikola Vucevic puts up another dominating performance against the Heat, leading to a surprise win.

Oh wait, we traded him? SHOULD OF KEPT! But hey, I guess we could trade for him and have him in uniform in the next four hours. Impossible? Technically, no!

4. Allen Iverson comes out of retirement, puts up vintage Iverson numbers.

Though Iverson was notable for both his scoring flare and his inefficiency, prime Iverson against the Heat defense would be a magical matchup. Except for that little note that he's retiring tonight, hasn't been in the league for years, and would put up an eFG% of 45% against a team who stands to score much more efficiently than that. This very well may be impossible.

5. Joshua Harris's investment company buys Carnival Cruises and everything else Heat owner Micky Arison owns, then trades himself the Sixers for the Heat.

This is how we will win tonight.

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