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Sixers Record Predictions: Historically Bad or Just Hysterically Bad?

The final of three LB Staff Predictions leading up to the season opener tonight. Here's the first, on MCW. And the second, on who stays out of Thad, Evan, and Spencer.

Yeah, that's about right.
Yeah, that's about right.
Sam Sharpe-USA TODAY Sports

It begins tonight. The Sixers will face the Miami Heat in the first of 82 games of what certainly could be happily catastrophic failure. Their inescapable badness has been spoken of metaphorically, but the LB writers finally had to nut up and take some ownership of where on the clunky sliding scale of badness these Sixers will land.

Of course, a lot depends on whether you think Nerlens Noel will come back or Jason Richardson or... Kwame Brown. Same goes for the potential trading of Evan Turner, Spencer Hawes, and Thaddeus Young. Any number of those moves has to be considered when you're looking at people's best guesses at their record.

Without further ado, some wrong people:

Hofmann 17-65
Steidel 14-68
Fischer 13-69
Pavorsky 11-71
Baumann 24-58
Gowton 19-63
Burton 18-64
Rueter 11-71
O'Connor 15-67
Justin 18-64
Levin 11-71

LB staff averages out to 15.5 wins, which is just under the Vegas odds. Nobody thinks they'll touch the '72-'73 Sixers' immaculate 9-73 record. Baumann is the most pessimistically optimistic, dropping a 24-spot on them, claiming "the team is not completely devoid of NBA talent--someone's gonna end up better than we thought." Cynic.

The Levin/Rueter/Pavorsky triumvirate (also an ear-nose-throat doctor's office in Whitemarsh Township) smells the most stank, nailing it at 11-71, which would tie the '98 Mavs and '93 Nugs as the 2nd worst full-season record of all time. In spite of that .134 winning percentage, Pavorsky laments "one or two really dumb wins in April against playoff teams." Dave, at least, promises a win on LB Meet-Up Night: "Nobody, and I mean nobody, beats us on LB Meet-Up Night."

Tanner, meanwhile, searches for the right pop culture analogy: "I think they'll be bad. I mean really bad. Like the LOST episode "Stranger In A Strange Land" bad. Like Landry murder plot bad. I think two examples is enough." It isn't, Tanner. Everybody else in the middle sees a few stolen wins on back-to-backs and enough Bobcatses and Magicks to get them out of the eye of history's tornado.

You've already answered this in the LB Community Predictions post (if not, go do that), but now you know where we stand. And make sure to bookmark this for future insults when they go 82-0 and draft Andy Wiggins with the 30th pick because he was a BUST.

Check out this week's Rights to Ricky Sanchez and The 700 Level's Sixers predictions for some more in-depth predictions from some of your least favorite LB people and other Sixers people around the webz. And that douche from Crossing Broad.

We're just one season away from the 2014 NBA Draft. I'm comin, momma.

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