Philadelphia 76ers' 2013-14 Preview: Brett Brown's New Workout Plan

Fitness. It's one of the tenets of Brett Brown's coaching philosophy, and a mantra that will be oft repeated this season. During Media Day, the first three players interviewed on the Philadelphia 76ers' livestream all noted that their new head coach had stressed to them the importance being in shape.

If the Sixers have any chance of being competitive this season, they'll need to get up and down the floor and out-run teams. Brown realizes that his roster lacks both the talent and the chemistry necessary to be a legit playoff contender, but in his eyes, there's no excuse for poor fitness. And with that...

Brett Brown's New Workout Plan
(set to the tune of "The New Workout Plan" by Kanye West)

[Intro]
You just popped in the Brett Brown
Get Right for the Season workout tape
And fellas, if you follow these instructions exactly
You might be able to become a better-than-average NBA player
Man, at least a dude with a job
So first of all, we gon' work on the basics
Nobody wants a dude who can't pass...

[Verse 1]
1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and
Get them jump shots right and
Play your defense tight and
Set your screens like this
Time out, stop breathe
Fast break, run the weave
Don't drop the ball and disrespect the league
Pick up the pace - don't settle for 8th seed
It's game time tonight and... ooh, I'm so excited
Tell me who's invited: Sam Hinkie and a high pick?
What's scary to me is Arnett looks like Tim Perry to me
Is that Vander Blue? I forgot his name
Played him 30 minutes, we lost the game...
The game...
The game...

[Chorus]
This team was weak without me
I can't do much with Kwame
He wants to talk it out but
Ain't nothin to talk about 'less
He talks about working out
And maybe we can work it out
Work it out [4x]
Maybe we could work it out

[Verse 2]
J-Rich, your silhouette
Makes me wanna scream an epithet
My name Brett Brown from the S-A set
Nice to meet you, Tim Ohlbrecht
Ooh man, this squad is harsh
The talent on this team is very sparse
Back in Texas, we had some stars
Here, I have a roster of Antoine Carrs
We ain't Sweatin' to the Oldies
We're trying to take down Kobe
Sometimes we'll win at home
So you can brag to all your homies now
I still want you to run the curl, you aren't Earl the Pearl, but just give it a whirl
1 and... you brought 2 friends - Can we finish .500? Well, that depends...
Forwards: Do you know how to increase your offensive rebound rate?
Our roster's really spotty, I wish we had John Crotty
You gotta pop this tape in... to increase your ORating
A cluster of tankers... all us, ballers...

[Chorus]
This team was weak without me
I can't do much with Kwame
He wants to talk it out but
Ain't nothin to talk about 'less
He talks about working out
And maybe we can work it out
Work it out [4x]
Maybe we could work it out

...........

[Team] Thanks to Brett Brown's workout plan
We're the envy of all our friends
See, we turned into ballers, yeah
And we don't have to ride in the tank again

[Beat changes]

(Lemme break ya wit' a piece of)
My favorite work out plan (oh! oh! oh!)
I wanna see you work out (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
(On that old Pat Croce tip...)

That's right put in work
Work the glass, go bezerk
Eat your salad, no dessert
Make your 3s like Larry Bird
It's Brett Brown's workout plan
I said it's Brett Brown's workout plan (Ladies and gentlemen)
It's Brett Brown's workout plan (Allow myself to introduce myself)
His woooorrrrkkoouut plan (This time around I want y'all to clap like this)

That's right, put in work
Work the glass, go bezerk
Come on, Kwame - no dessert
Get that check... Andrew DeClercq (Stop!)
It's Brett Brown's workout plan (Ok bring)
I said it's Brett Brown's workout plan (I know y'all ain't tired)
It's Kanye's workout plan (But I hope not, 'cuz on this one I need ya)
His woooorrrrkkoouut plan (To give me a soul clap ok? Double time)

That's right, put in work (Woo!)
Work the glass, go bezerk (Ow!)
Eat your salad, no dessert (Ugh!)
Make your 3s like Larry Bird

That's right, put in work (Put in work)
Work the glass, go bezerk (Go wizzerk)
Come on, Kwame - no dessert (No dessert)
Get that check... Andrew DeClercq (You hear, ugh)

That's right, put in work (That's right put in work)
Work the glass, go bezerk (Go bezerk)
Eat your salad, no dessert (Eat your salad, no dessert)
Make your 3s like Larry Bird (Woo!)

(Okay, okay, okay, that's, that'd be good) [Applause and cheering]
(I appreciate your time)
Woah, yeah
I want to see you work out for me
Woah, yeah