I'm not usually one to tune into music award shows, but I make a concerted effort to watch the BET Awards each year. What sets the BET Awards from the pack are its "cyphers", now a focal point of the award show. A cypher is essentially a freestyle rap by multiple people over a beat one after another. On Tuesday evening, Kendrick Lamar and his rap group TDE threw down a great cypher over the "Shook Ones part 2" beat.
Today, I will attempt to outdo them. This is thee Sixers cypher.
A rookie up in Philly but I'm feelin' like I'm a veteran,
they say we're gonna tank but I'm thinkin' they need to guess again,
cause the only tank I know is the one I'm driving right over em',
taking it to the hole while exposing their defensive impediments.
My jump shot wasn't the best but I promise you that it's better,
knocking everything down, now they're calling me Mayweather.
This season may get ugly and be lacking in amusement,
but y'all will know I'm the face of the Sixers new youth movement.
Got one year left on my contract, and I got a feeling I'll be leavin',
but I'm trying to mend some fences, I even hung out with Mike Lee-vin.
Grew up in Seattle so I'll be damned if I'm not making it rain,
shooting so many threes you'll be wondering where's my brain.
But rebounding's not my forte and banging in the paint is just a fad,
so I'll sit at the top of the key and leave the dirty work to Thad.
Kwame grabs the mic, proceeds to unhinge his jaw large enough to get a full burger in it, then begins to cypher with food in his mouth. None of it can be understood.
They call me "Arkansas James", but the back of my jersey says Anderson,
the Sixers need me as bad as the founding fathers did Franklin.
Beating me in a three point contest is damn near impossible,
I'll leave you in a body bag, save you a trip to the hospital.
The southwest is where I'm from and from my home I'll never stray,
but the city of brotherly love got me feeling some type of way.
ET, now your boy's the BMOC,
'Who will lead the team in scoring?', well the answer should be me.
If you pass me the ball, don't expect to get it back,
because I'll dribble, and dribble, and dribble, and dribble, and dribble, and dribble, and dribble, and dribble, and dribble, shoot the ball real awkward then yell 'Ref, that's hack!'.
In a contract year and I could sure use a bonus,
so putting the Sixers on my back you know will be my onus.
Turnovers are my weakness but there's no need to worry,
this year my year, I'm gonna ball like Steph-
Shut it, Evan, you're not Steph Curry. Getcha PER up.
Went from the right hand man in Houston to the boss up in Philly,
now we're starting from the bottom, I'm Drake-ing the whole city.
Hinkie is the name and analytics are what I do,
if you wanna step to me it'll probably be bad for you.
I outsmarted the Memphis Grizzlies, John Hollinger can shine my shoes,
I acquired Tony Wroten for the equivalent of $1.42.
I'm a busy man, you know that I'll never tire, I list my home address as "the waiver wire",
And I just picked up Daniel Orton, now these GM's hearing me like Horton,
the Incredible Hulk of the NBA like my name was Edward Norton.
Give us some time, our dreams, they'll will be fulfilled,
the 2013 Sixers, together, we build.