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29 Days: Evan Turner Against The World

Entering the mind of The Villain, one dribble at a time. 29 days left till we submerge...

Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

The above video's title (uploaded by SBN blog overlord Mike Prada) pretty much tells you the story here: Evan Turner once dribbled 29 times in one possession. How does that even happen? Well, here's a look into Evan's thought process, dribble by hilarious dribble:
  1. "I let Marco Belinelli score on me? That ain't right. Let's do this."
  2. "But seriously, what just happened?"
  3. "Jrue's not on the court! MY TIME MY TIME MY TIME I AM THE HERO VILLAIN THIS CITY DESERVES." (side note: missin u, Jrue)
  4. "Wait, is that one of the Pargo brothers? He's on the team? Since when? I don't even know their names."
  5. "Is it Jerrell? Jermaine? Jackson? It's a J, right? Or is it a soft G?"
  6. "Belinelli's not going to be able to stop this!" /switches dribble to left hand
  7. "God shut up Doug what is wrong with you?"
  8. "Can anyone on this team set a pick? I mean, seriously Thad, it wouldn't hurt to stand still in one spot. I had to do it for two entire years and look where it got me."
  9. "Look how I've brought the ball up the court who said I couldn't be a point guard?"
  10. "Joakim Noah's hair scares me. Gotta get out of this mess."
  11. "He seriously needs a comb."
  12. "Man, I don't feel safe in Chicago."
  13. "You know, I often think about how people believe the higher education system has mostly turned into a business. And despite other people disagreeing, I think that there is still a fundamental difference between academia and professional practice. Professors and researchers need to still think academically, to discover stuff and find stuff and gather information that other people have never before seen or maybe even imagined, in order to be successful, whereas business people usually need to innovate and tinker with existing ideas and processes to become successful. And while the results and consequences of academic and business achievement are ultimately the same - rewards fall somewhere between fame and money, on a spectrum where the level of success is often based on personal preference - the process differs enough so that the two worlds can be considered distinctive, and each works in its own way to further people and their societies."
  15. "Can you believe we're only halfway through this post?"
  16. "Who's that big guy coming up here? Is that Moultrie? I can't believe he's playing! Maybe I can break his ankles!"
  17. "What kind of pizza should I order tonight? I'm thinking of pepperoni. I've got that app."
  18. "No, why would I get Hawaiian pizza?"
  19. "Wow, is that what a pick looks like? I feel free and empowered!"
  20. "Boozer's yelling so loudly I can't hear myself think."
  21. "Look at Dorell Wright standing over there in the corner. BTB, Dorell. I know the feeling."
  22. "Does this count as a dribble? Sure it does!"
  23. "Yo if I can't get by Boozer, I should just stop trying."
  24. "I'm in the corner again get me out of here get me out of here GET ME OUT"
  25. "What is Spencer saying about tang? Like, the orange drink? That stuff's pretty good. Yeah, I wanna get some Tang tonight!"
  26. "I would think about pulling up for the long mid-range jumper, but statistically the shot is among the worst in basketball, and I should really try to get to the rim, step back behind the three point line, or somehow draw a foul. Or maybe I can pass it to an open shooter? Doing any of those will improve my individual performance and help the team win games. Or I can listen to coach and pull up for two..."
  27. "Or I can try making Carlos Boozer look bad. Yeah, I'm going for it."
  29. "@$^&*(&^%%$^%$^%$^$^%$^%$"
And just wait until he leaves an impression on MCW... 29 left, everyone!

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