Booger Nights: Sixers Picked Apart By Nets On Mark Wahlberg Night

"What is Doug Collins going to do?" -- Marc Zumoff

"Something that can't be said on the air." -- Malik Rose

Disney-On-Ice finally packed up their clown fish, talking space toys, and Eddie Murphy sounding little dragons in time for the Sixers to return home for the first time in 2013. It might have been wise for Walt and his friends to stay in town a little longer so we wouldn't have had to witness the Sixers 89-109 (it didn't even seem that close) blowout loss to the now PJ Carlesimo lead Brooklyn Nets.

It wasn't a terrible start at all as Jrue Holiday literally was a part of every single Sixers scoring possession in the first quarter (and even had some offensive help from Spencer Hawes). Through his 12 points and 6 assists, the Sixers were only down two after the first 12 minutes allowing me to think (and how silly of me) that if they could hunker down on defense even just a smidgen, they could come away with a homecoming victory (nyunole won homecoming queen). Thankfully, the Sixers straightened me out pretty quickly.

They didn't rebound well. They didn't get to the line. They were being very Sixersy during offensive sets, if you could even call them that. Despite all those missteps, the Sixers found themselves down just one point heading into the second half. You'd think that at least one of things would change, right? Well, the only the part that changed during the third and fourth quarter was the point margin.

After a shot of Mark Wahlberg sitting courtside right before the third quarter, I thought it'd completely energize the Sixers. It turns out Marky Mark's presence fired up the other team from New York instead (they got a quick pump in). The Nets jumped out on a quick 18-2, scoring at will against a defenseless Sixers team that got shredded on the boards by former white-shirt Reggie Evans. Hopefully this will be the last time (probably already heard it five billion times) you'll have to read this, but Reginald had 23 rebounds towards the end of the third quarter.The Sixers, as a team, had 21.

Including Reggie's career night, the Nets more than doubled the Sixers on the glass and at the free throw line, allowing them to win this game comfortably despite only shooting .001% better than the Sixers.

Horrendous effort defensively (who needs Andre Iguodala anyway, right guys?!?!), poor shot selection, and an inability to shake the forcefield that outlines the painted area yet again lend themselves to a Sixers blowout loss, their third in a row of at least 20 points.

Without Bynum on the floor, it's time to get used to it and laugh at the sheer hilarity of it all. These are you 2012-2013 Philadelphia 76ers and it doesn't appear they'll change anytime soon.

Here's a fun list of things that I enjoyed doing today more than watching this Sixers game:

• Listening to Malcolm David Kelley's (Walt from LOST) new pop duo.
• Putting chips on my turkey sandwich at lunch.
• DVR'ing a bunch of SVU episodes. Bonus: noticed Rachel Green's dad on one of them.
• Buying Apple Jacks.
• Having my fingernails slowly torn out.

We're back at it again tomorrow, guys. In another back-to-back (is it lockout season again or something?) the Sixers travel to an entirely different country to take on the Raptors. I never looked forward to anything more than this.