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The Ultimate Sixers Tanking Squadron

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If we're gonna do this, let's effing do this.

John Harrelson

Sam Hinkie has thus far signed zero free agents. He is without a coach. He has traded away the Sixers' best player in Jrue Holiday. The consensus seems to be that Hinkie will try to trade Thaddeus Young and Evan Turner while filling out the roster with a bunch of one-year veterans and undrafted free agents. But I feel like we may be able to do better.

Sure, the Sixers will be rebuilding this year, but if our movie is an R, let's just make it a Hard R. Show some genitals, lop some heads off, and truly Engage Tankadelphia. Andrew Wiggins is there, just waiting to be scooped up like a Mango-Vanilla Gelati at Grant and the Boulevard. Oblige him.

PG: Minority Owner Will Smith's Daughter, Willow Smith
SG: Adam Silver
SF: Bethlehem, PA
C: Spencer Hawes
6th Man: Alaa Abdelnaby
Coach: Twitter
Janitorial Assistant: Doug Collins

There's your #1 spot. Ain't nobody tank harder than us. You're welcome, Philadelphia.