clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

26 Days: Do These Sixers Have the X-Factor?

Our countdown to tip-off continues with this extremely hypothetical, nonsensical scenario of current Sixers trying out for The X-Factor.

Dave, we don't even talk anymore. We don't even know what we argue about.
Dave, we don't even talk anymore. We don't even know what we argue about.
Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

If you follow me on Twitter (@tsteidel - if ya don't know, now ya know), you know that I tweet my unqualified opinions about FOX's singing competition show "The X-Factor" far more than I should. If you've ever unfollowed me on Twitter, it's more than likely because I tweet far more about that competition than I do basketball. Who cares about Rudy Gay's offensive rebounding percentage when Fifth Harmony is about to kill Ellie Goulding's "Anything Can Happen"? Who, who, who, who, who, who?

Occasionally, I do write things about actual basketball. It doesn't happen often and when it does it rarely makes any logical sense, but I swear it occurs from time to time. The Sixers and the X-Factor are my two biggest passions during the fall/winter seasons. Well tonight, the Sixers met the X-Factor at the bar and they immediately clicked. After a few casual mixed drinks and celebratory Fireball shot, the Sixers made the move and convinced the show to spend the night. It's okay X-Factor, you won't miss anything. Jake has the recap tonight.

Combining their connection on that night with the love I have for both, here is a little ditty breaking down what would happen with selected members of this year's roster gave it a go on the X-Factor.

Simon Cowell and Kelly Rowland (<3) made their way into the Wells Fargo Center with guest judge Dave Rueter, anxious to encounter what talents this roster brings off the basketball court. With the lights low and microphones hot, Thaddeus Young was the first to step on stage.

Thad seemed a bit nervous out there but had that boyish smile on his face the entire time. He wasn't there to impress anybody but Rueter, the most notoriously brutal of the panel. Knowing Rueter's infatuation with the Motown Philly legends, Young went into a heartfelt rendition of "Water Runs Dry". Simon, stroking the chest hair bulging out of his fully open button-down, told Thad he had all the charisma in the world and saw big things in the future for the longest tenured Sixer. Rueter was nothing but smiles, shoulder dancing for the song's entirety. With the approval of the show creator and the Boyz II Men aficionado, Thad easily moved on to the Top 16.

Next up to bat was rookie Michael Carter-Williams. With his baby face and eerily similar looks to a guy in my college fantasy football league, MCW went high energy (no Owen Hart or Koko B. Ware) and brought the house down with Usher's "U Don't Have to Call". Kelly stood on the judges table and Milli Vanilli strutted more than anybody has since 1990.

How could she resist the baby face and charm that MCW brings to the table? All he needed was Rueter's approval and he was moving on. Rueter's dream since he was at Niagara freshman orientation has been to perform Usher in front of a crowd. Seeing himself in MCW's audition, he couldn't resist sending the rookie into the finals.

The dynamic, yet strange duo of blog favorite Spencer Hawes and recently acquired undrafted free agent Vander Blue did a Glee-esque mashup of Pearl Jam's "Last Kiss" and the classic Eiffel 65 track "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" to close out the day's auditions. I'm not sure how this was pulled off in any form but rumor has it Primoz Brezec made a cameo on stage in a highlighter green Adidas track suit with black accents. Don't forget the Kangol hat, Primoz. Simon's description said it all...

That performance was worse than hearing a humpback whale slap its dorsal fin on top of a shrieking eel from "The Princess Bride".

With Spencer and Vander's dreams fading into the horizon, Thad and MCW prepared to have all their non-existant singing career aspirations come to fruition. Unfortunately, this tale of heroism and courage was short lived for the two Sixer starters as Kareem Rush walked through the door. It was, as Jim Ross so eloquently put it, a slober-knocker.

The season is only 26 days away and thanks to Kareem, Young and Carter-Williams will be prepared.