In case you missed it, FIBA is considering making three-on-three basketball on Olympic sport. While it's abundantly clear, Mike, Tanner and myself would win Gold, it's unclear which NBA team would form the best squad. Under that premise, SB Nation NBA has decided to run their own 3on3 tourney, between all 30 teams, to ultimately crown the best threesome in the league.
That said, I've been assigned the task of choosing the three players who will represent the Sixers, while simultaneously explaining why Kwame Brown has refused participation, because he only plays make-it, take-it. Make the jump for the rules, my blatantly obvious threesome, and the tournament rules.
Twos and threes (even though FIBA apparently wants to make their tournament ones and twos)
Games are 1 10 minute period -- team ahead at the end of 10 minutes wins;
UNLESS a team reaches 31, in which case that team wins (FIBA rules state 21, but that with 1 and 2 pointers);
7 fouls results in the bonus situation;
You can't foul out (since we didn't allow subs);
12 second shot clock.
Team: Andrew Bynum, Jrue Holiday and Evan Turner
Case: Jrue, Drew and Turner are the perfect team for this setting. All three players can defend. All three players can rebound. And all three players can score. Jrue and Evan can either create for themselves, or feed Bynum in the post. Also, notice that there's no three second violation in three-on-three. Therefore, Andrew Bynum is going to stand at the basket for the entire game. He's going to block every shot at the rim. And he's going to get every gobble up every rebound. No threesome in the NBA has a better combination of offense, defense, rebounding and YOLO.
Now, you may be asking yourself, "This team has a glaring weakness – they can't shoot threes." At first glance, that may be the case, but after countless hours watching game tape from Evan Turner's playground days, I discovered that Turner's three-point percentage increases exponentially on double-rims and chain-link nets. When I reached out to Turner for comment, he responded "The playground is my playground." Makes sense.
On offense, Jrue and Evan will take turns ISO'ing, while Andrew Bynum dunks every offensive rebound. On defense, Jrue and Evan would lock up the opponents' best perimeter players, switch on all screens, while Bynum just hangs by the basket and swats away every layup attempt.
This team's strategy goes beyond offense and defense, however. Which player will take the "shoot for it" threes? Andrew Bynum, obviously (YOLO). Jrue Holiday and Andrew Bynum want to represent the "skins" in every game, but Evan Turner is self-conscious, and won't take his shirt off in public. Will this prevent the team from reaching their full potential? Nick Young is the alternate, should Turner's fear of pec-exposure cause deep-rooted chemistry problems.
You'll also notice that there is no such thing as goal-tending in this tournament. This is where it pays to have the best center in the NBA. Andrew Bynum puts his pants on one leg at a time. Except, when his pants are on, he wins Gold Medals in 3on3 tournaments. And gets it in with Rhianna (Well, that's without pants).
Pressure makes diamonds.