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Sixers Vs. Bulls Game Five Was the Pittiest of Pits

Battie smirking, Vuce and Craig have no idea where they are.
Battie smirking, Vuce and Craig have no idea where they are.

Game Five between the Sixers and Bulls was less of a basketball game than it was an after school special imploring children not to watch violence on television. Because that's what this was. A violent display of some semi-organized sport that might have resembled basketball if not for the purest definition of the game makes it seem like the goal is to make shots.

So I don't know exactly what this was, but for lack of a better word, let's just call it Purgabium.

I've taken a few hours off to let this one out of my system (watched the season finale of New Girl - highly recommend), but I'm still too close to this one to come up with any sort of cogent response to what was easily the worst-played game of professional Purgabium I've seen in my conscious life. The best I can do right now is say that it was just one game. The Sixers had won three straight coming in and were facing a Bulls team at home with their backs against the wall. Desperation was on full display, and their defense was phenomenal. Leading 3-2 going into a home game means the Sixers should likely still pull this series out, but they've certainly Sixered it more than our less cardio-stable readers would prefer.

Without getting too far into the horrific details (I don't know that I'd ever be able to return from that journey), I would like to give you some facts. This is a recap, after all, and I should offer some capitulations for those looking to actually read about the game.

  • The Sixers scored 26 points in the first half (h/t TK). The starters scored just 15 points on 31 shots.
  • The Sixers shot 32.1% from the field, the third straight game in which they shot under 40%.
  • Aside from Game Two, the Sixers are 9-53 from beyond the arc in the series. Jodie Meeks has played just 24 minutes total.
  • In spite of these numbers, the Sixers lost this game by just 8 points.
  • The NBA is forcing the Sixers and Bulls to play at least one more game, Thursday, at 7PM EST. We're obligated to provide coverage.

So yes. This was the worst. I've watched a lot of basketball in my life and at no point have I ever seen an offense as completely inept as the one the Sixers "boasted" in Game Five. There are plenty (PLENTY) of individual assessments to be made. But I need some time to get this out of my system, so it'll take some time.

I may register with Witness Protection after that one. No one should be forced to watch that and I'm pretty sure a crime was committed somewhere in there. I'll be changing my name to Jethro and will re-commence blogging from my back porch in Montana. Keep me in your thoughts.

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