Sixers vs. Celtics Game Four: The Second Half Happened

I was really confused last night. I could've sworn the Sixers were down a million to the Celtics and had no life in them at all. Game Four would spell the penultimate end for this ragtag bunch of weirdos and they'd go quietly into the night in Boston on Monday.

Then, as I was driving home from work (in a rage, naturally), I checked my phone and saw the Sixers were down 4. What? Four points? Somehow, while I was watching or in the 20 minute drive home, the scorekeeper passed out and added points to the Sixers column without anybody noticing. I've no idea how it went down.

So using mySynergySports.com, I checked for proof of that second half the morning after.

Let me set the mood for you. Despite playing (we've said this too often) the worst half of basketball I've ever seen in my life, the Sixers were down just 15 points at the half. If you didn't watch it, believe me, it could have been so much worse. Boston took their nap in the 2nd quarter. Matlock had re-runs at the time.

So with the Sixers down 15 and having scored just 31 points in the first half, we pick it up at the beginning of the third quarter.

11:36; 31-46 - Doris Burke says this: "I don't think the Sixers have championship aspirations, clearly." To which Hindsight Playoffs Mike responds: "Bitch, please."

9:46; 32-49 - Kevin Garnett gets T'd up for tripping Andre Iguodala. Bitch move, guy. See the video.

9:43; 33-49 - Frustrated and not feeling quite Sugar Bearish, Elton Brand pops KG in the head on a drive and gets a technical for it. One of the few times a Sixer has gone up against KG this series and not wilted. Here's the video.

9:20; 33-50 - Evan Turner draws the 4th foul on Avery Bradley. We'll discuss it later, but Evan's continual attacking of the rim and more specifically getting Bradley in foul trouble changed this game.

8:38; 37-50 - The Sixers get their first bucket in the paint in the game. How'd it come? On the most awkward Spencer Hawes hook shot over KG that you could imagine. By this point, you assumed that weirdness was about to happen. Right afterwards, Turner found Dre for an alley-oop. Then Turner had two buckets himself, both in the lane. That's four straight possessions resulting in field goals from the paint after zero the first 27 minutes. Winds were changing. The lead was 7. The crowd was into it.

6:32; 43-50 - Iguodala throws an ill-advised behind the back pass out of bounds. Really stupid. After 8 straight points, a rally killer like that should have killed them. The next possession, Hawes missed a jumper and ET fouled Garnett on the rebound. Turner wasn't happy with the call and almost did something like this, for which I'm sure he came verrrrrry close to getting T'd up.

2:25; 54-58 - Louis Williams, by my count, takes his only bad shot of the game. A three-pointer with 17 seconds left on the shot clock and Paul Pierce right there. This was the only bit of Bad Boss we saw that night. He had 8 assists and 1 turnover, and that was actually the fault of Lavoy Allen. You beautiful, beautiful Boss.

End of 3rd - The Steve Mix Rule went officially into effect. With a Jodie Meeks steal and beeline to the basket for a fast break layup, the Sixers were down just 5. Evan played awesome defense on Paul Pierce to end the quarter and they took a 5 point deficit into the 4th. Doable. So doable.

10:20; 63-63 - THAD YOUNG TIES THE GAME!!! WHAT?! DID YOU SEE THE FIRST HALF?!!!

9:49; 66-65 - M33333333333KS GIVES SIXERS THE LEAD!

8:15; 68-68 - The Sixers didn't make any shots this possession, but the offensive rebound parade started. They came down with 17 O-Boards on the game, all as a result of fighting down low. Thad and Lavoy had 5 each. NIGHT SHIFT.

7:37; 70-70 - Thad became John Stockton. He was making some ridiculous passes inside to Lavoy. This one resulted in a foul, but this is the moment it started. Interior passing gets me extremely slap-happy. Awkwardly Smooth in full effect.

3:10; 79-79 - Jrue Holiday finds Iguodala for the three. BUCKETS. CATCH AND SHOOT DRE IS MY FAVORITE DRE. Hello, crunchtime.

2:31; 81-81 - BOSS LEANER HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

2:15; 81-81 - PIERCE MISSES THE LAYUP BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Then Doris Burke simpers because he didn't get the foul called.

1:53; 83-81 - THAD TO LAVOY! HE DUNKS IT!!??! THIS. IS. BASKETBALL. SORTA.

1:22; 85-83 - IGUODALA OVER ALLEN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

0:59; 85-83 - THAD BLOCKS RONDO SOIDnfiusdhgiousdhgaiosdjfoiasjfiashfiashf

0:36; 88-83 - DRE FROM THE CORNER! AHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!

--

And that's how it happened. Euphoria. Insanity. Pretzel sticks. All the strangeness and randomness and Bossness that goes into any Sixers win. Ugly as crap. Ludicrous as hell. A few bits of stray vomit thrown in there. And we're 2-2.

Sixers Be Crazy.