Celtics vs. Sixers Game Four: Important Things That Are Important

The problem with Game Three of the Sixers and Celtics series was they just didn't know what was important. The Sixers have other things on their mind and can't be trifled by things unless they're of utmost importance. It's like trying to study for a test out of your textbook without highlighting anything first. You'll just skim it, then you'll bomb the test. The Sixers were minus highlighters going into Game Three.

So, Sixers, here are some important things.

- Scoring. Scoring points, to be exact. And more than just some of the time. Frequently would be best.

- Um. Let's see. I guess the alternative would be not letting the other team (the Celtics in this case) score as many points as you. They can score some points. You don't want to be complete jerks. But just not as many as you do. That's kind of the idea.

- Not letting Kevin Garnett teabag you. That's rude. Spencer, you may want to consider covering his jumper. Just a thought. He's only shooting 9-12 outside of 16 feet the past two games. So you know he can miss sometimes. We'd just prefer that he miss more. Putting your face in the way of his shot wouldn't hurt.

- Make layups. You're usually good at that. Playoff layups are OK to make also. They won't bite. I know dunks are scary.

- Don't wet the bed. Your mom and I just put a fresh load of laundry in plus I got work in the morning so just hold it in or use the toilet, okay?

- Xavier Silas. Xavier Silas is important.

- Let Paul Pierce be old again. It was much more fun playing against Boston when he used a wheelchair to get up and down the court. If that could happen again we'd all appreciate it. Even you, Andre.

There. That's better. Study up and let's take Game Four. Number Two pencils at the ready.