Sixers vs. Raptors: Andrea Bargnani Out in Impressive Display of Out-Tanking

There's tanking and then there's tanking. The Sixers have been terrible and are losing games but not intentionally doing so. The Toronto Raptors are putting on a clinic in how to effing TANK, man. I mean, they've got Aaron Grey lining up at center. Aaron Grey. Even Jamaal Magloire, who is reportedly STILL ALIVE, played 6 minutes for them last game. And now, just for kicks, their leading scorer and requisite Italian Andrea Bargnani will take the night off. His left calf apparently hurts, but what the report doesn't say is the Bargnani doesn't even use his left calf and this is just another notch in the tanking belt for Toronto. Bravo.

This makes tonight's game against the Raptors even more difficult to lose. They've dropped three in a row and are fully invested in ping-pong balls (the 3 star ones) so both management and their fans are riding the tankwagon all the way to the tankbank. Raptors HQ is fully on board with losses, and will be rooting for the Sixers harder than we will tonight. But once the Sixers do win, we'll be subjected to WIN'S A WIN'S A WIN'S A WIN'S A WIN on Twitter and in post-game interviews. If you're not freaking stoked for a 7-seed, I don't know what to tell you. I'm just gonna light my pants on fire.

I don't expect the tanking to stop here. They'll probably only play 4 guys for most of the game and Dwane Casey will do his best to distract the refs while Spencer Hawes punches Amir Johnson in the face. It'll be like a WWE match except one tag-team wants to lose. I wouldn't be surprised if DeMar DeRozan sits because he ate a big dinner. Hoping we get to see 40 minutes apiece for Gary Forbes and Justin Dentmon!

Great, successful business model we've got here in the NBA, isn't it?