Sixers Vs. Wizards Recap, As Told By Bowling For Soup

Look, there's not much to say about that game. As a matter of fact, I don't think any of us would mind if Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones smashed our door down and flashed us with the Men In Black memory tasers.

At the end of the day, it's just another game. Nothing good came from tonight, other then maybe the fact that everyone will finally begin to realize, for the fifth consecutive season, that the Sixers are nothing more than a young, energetic, fun-to-watch, hard-working team with very limited upside.

Many of us had this epiphany weeks ago. Following the 20-9 start, the Sixers are now 8-14, can't beat good teams, or win close games. These are indisputable facts.

Before I go any further into post-Sixers-blowout-loss-to-the-Wizards depression, let me stop. The Sixers sucked, plain and simple. I don't want to get any further into big picture, gloom and doom. On to the next game.

Instead, I've decided to turn to folks who always ALMOST helped me through the emo times I experienced as a pubescent teenage boy. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Bowling For Soup, who recorded a Sixers version of their hit song Almost, just minutes following my request. We're tight like that.

Read the transcript to their sure-to-be hit single after the jump. Listen to the original song here, if you wish to follow along. And if you don't like Bowling For Soup, well.

I almost thought the Sixers were legit contenders, a really good team,
because their tenacious defense and ball control almost became a dream,
which almost led them to beat teams like the Heat aka the bestest,
but it all went downhill when Jodie was benched, which pissed off Orestes.

I almost convinced myself the Sixers would make the playoffs and deliver,
but then I almost couldn't believe my eyes when they lost to the Wizards!

And I alllllllmost was fooled,
into thinking we were better.

And I allllllmost thought being mediocre was through,
I almost wished we would've picked Favors number two.

I almost envy the Wolves, with their young core,
because I love Kevin Love, at least he can score

Cause the Sixers need a true superstar, and he ain't on the roster,
Cause it ain't Iguodala, who LeQuan says is no better than Jeff Foster

Cause shooting guards shouldn't play defense, they need to get buckets,
And we're all still upset cause we drafted Vooch and Faried is a Nugget!

And I alllllllmost was fooled,
into thinking we were better.

And I allllllmost thought being mediocre was through,
I almost wished we would've picked Favors number two.

They kept on winning, teenage Mike was grinnin', but our worst of fears finally came true
I almost wish this wasn't Deja Vu!

Here I go thinking about all the times we could've tanked,
After witnessing the Sixers in Washington, getting spanked

This team has so many problems, I can't narrow it down to one.

I almost forgot to mention that we're a game behind the Celts,
And now it looks we'll be the first notch on LeBron's championship belt

I almost wrote some good things about you today,
But then you let the Wizards feast, like a mother freakin buffet!!

And I alllllllmost was fooled,
into thinking we were better.

And I allllllmost thought being mediocre was through,
I almost wished we would've picked Favors number two.

They kept on winning, teenage Mike was grinnin', but our worst of fears finally came true
And I almost wish this wasn't Deja Vu!

I allllmost thought being mediocre was through!!!
I almost wished we would've picked Favors number two.

Have a good night, guys!